experience
Money for thought
By Waqas Hassan

How many of you have had occasion to stop at a food outlet to buy something for yourself? Have you ever been lucky enough to enjoy the sojourn without being harassed by your old, friendly neighbourhood pests, who make the outing an inexorably unpleasant experience? The streets of all the cities of our country are teeming with them! Full marks for guessing the subject under dissection! It's the business that did not go into recession even after September 11. If at all, the beggars of Pakistan must have had a field month or two, getting sadqa from the relatives of those, who were anxious about the fate of their loved ones in America!

They are everywhere; at signals, at shopping centres, at hospitals, outside wedding halls. You name the place; you'll find them there. They keep on pestering till you are so fed up, that just to get rid of them, you give them something. They make you feel guilty if you are buying something for yourself. Either out of guilt or superstition (nazar lag jai gi, syndrome), you concede to the inevitable defeat, and part with some of your hard earned money, so what does that make you according to old Shakespeare? Well, I for one wouldn't be rude or naive enough to call you a fool! Beggars cannot be choosers, is true no more! They have plenty of choice nowadays. Oh, the variety of selection they enjoy! You only have to stop at any of the places mentioned above to prove me right.

The beggars of our country are well organised, enterprising, persistent and committed to their noble cause. They have their own beats; they do not trespass into the business areas of their colleagues. They impart rigorous training to the members of their community right from their childhood. Their children are so well conditioned to beg that they don't feel any inhibition in spreading their palms for alms. Most people have a tendency to oblige the little ones with a rupee or two. To them, a rupee is nothing! But, the encouragement they give to the little rogues make them veterans by the time they enter their teens. When they grow up, they are seasoned and hardened professionals, who are highly innovative and skilled in their profession.

People should not be duped by their pathetic hard luck stories. The blame for strengthening this industry lies with us, so we all must resolve to get rid of these parasites by saying No to them.

Last night, I had a dream, or should I call it a nightmare? God made me President Musharaf for a day! I ordered the police mobiles to round up all the beggars in my beloved country, and make them do honest work for a change - like sweeping the roads or working in the government supervised schemes of public works. If wishes were horses! Why would the government even think of punishing beggars? After all, begging is our favourite national pastime, only the stakes are different. Even the higher ups in the Pakistan government have not been proof against the opportunity of making some easy and quick bucks at the cost of the public, and they don't ask for a rupee or even ten - they go for millions! Can we say nay to them? Fat chance! Well, beggars should be proud of their exalted company, so many bigwigs, still not nabbed by NAB, took money from the banks, which they will probably never return. Our former prime minister begged the compatriots to donate generously to the prime minister's fund after Pakistan's nuclear tests. Qarz utaro, mulk sawaro. The funds donated, vanished like the hair on the gentleman's head. The hair on his scalp is back, but the money has vanished forever! Beggars and our masters - they go together.