Cover Story
Ooopsss! Ouchhh!

Where the outrageously  embarrassing  moments  get together

By Maryam Baqir

Have you ever experienced those moments when you just wished that the ground  would open up and swallowed you? When you felt your cheeks colouring up to a deep shade of scarlet for even a fraction of a second, making the blood rush through your arteries? And have you ever wanted to close your eyes, curl up on the floor and delete that one cruel day from your lifetime?

Let's face it that we, meaning the earthlings, are destined to be humiliated at one time of our lives or another (and this, my friend, is the sad truth of life). But don't worry, as humiliation is inevitable, undefeatable and completely normal. Though no one likes to be tagged by the mischievous monster of mortification, it is always fun to have an opportunity to glance back at your oh-so-grimacing past, and shake your head at how fate always manages to get back at us.

After all, they don't call fate cruel for nothing.

- So, happy blushing!

It's a fair cop

-Rabeil Botwala

A few days after my mum had passed her first-aid certificate, we were out shopping when we came across a crowd standing around somebody on the ground. "Stand clear!" Mum ordered, wrestling her way through.  "I've done CPR!"  I was so proud of the way she confidently took charge of things, until a police officer appeared and dragged her back.  "Madam," he barked, "we are in the middle of arresting this man, so please butt out!"

Appetizers, anyone?

-Anila Qazi

The company in which I'd just started working had organised a farewell dinner for a senior executive at a new local Mexican restaurant.  Everybody settled in and ordered. A few minutes later, a waiter appeared with dips and corn chips.  'What a great restaurant,' I thought. 'Supplying free nibbles before the main course!' Impressed, I politely handed them round the table.  I was just imagining what a good mark I was making when my boss leaned over and murmured in my ear: "Do you realise; that's my order you're offering everyone?"

Don't get snotty! 

-Basil Khan

I was getting bored in class, when our teacher asked if anyone wanted to carry a note to the tenth-grade classroom. I was the first to raise my hand, since I wanted to get out and have a change of scenery. It just happened that the vice-principal's son was in the class I was bringing the note to! I was walking into the room to hand their teacher the note when I felt that I was about to sneeze. I tried to stop it, but before I could, it came out -- snot and all! I ran out of the class and haven't been able to make eye contact with him since!"

Backpack blues

-Nighat Saleem

It was an ordinary day. I set my backpack on my rug. But what I didn't notice was something that lay underneath the rug. Not taking any note of it, I went on with my day. I then made a beeline for my sister's car, and we picked up a friend of hers on the way as we headed towards our school. Pretty normal, eh? But it was not! When I reached my school, I walked up the stairs to meet my friends. To my bewilderment, they started laughing at me for some reason. One of them said, "Nice backpack you've got there!" I, being the person I am, said "Thanks". That's when I picked up my backpack and noticed that something was attached to its bottom. It was that something underneath my rug - my little brother's piece of diaper, which had got entangled with the Velcro of my backpack. I was so embarrassed, but it was not like any other killer moment; I wasn't going to run off and cry - I just sat there and I laughed along with my friends!

The fountain of youth

-Lina Saadia

My friend and I were babysitting my 4-year-old cousin, who asked me to lie in his bed with him until he went to sleep. I dozed off and started having a dream that I was walking in the rain and running through water. The dream woke me up, and I noticed that I was all wet. I assumed I'd been sweating profusely, and so went back to sleep. When my mother walked into the room the next morning, she said that the room reeked of urine, and that my cousin must have wet the bed while he was sleeping. It turned out that he had been a virtual fountain of urine, and had peed on me while I slept, drenching my clothes and the entire bed! Ew!

Name drop

-Salma Akhtar

There was this really cool girl in my class who'd been held back a year. During roll call on the first day, my teacher called her Lacey. I thought her name was Stacie. So, trying to be cool, I yelled, 'Her name's Stacie!' She turned around – stared at me – and said, 'No, it's not.' So embarrassing!

A cry in the dark

-Nazia Daud

When I was a sophomore, I once spent the Halloween night with my best friend, her older brother, who was a senior, and his friends. We went to this really haunted house that they go to every year. I was pretty nervous about it because ghosts are my biggest fear, but I went along anyway. When we were on this spooky trail, I started to cry a little. By the time we got inside the house, I was bawling like a baby! All of the guys were laughing at me, but I was too scared to care at that moment. Then after we left, I realised how silly I was being. I felt like a total dweeb!

Beware of the dog!

-Sarah Tanzeem

We were playing truth or dare. My turn came up and I picked dare, since truths are no fun. My friends dared me to go outside, kneel on the ground, and bark like a dog at all of the cars that went by! Well, I was barking out there, and one of the cars driving by happened to be my best-friend's parents. They pulled over and asked me what in the world I was doing! Needless to say, I was humiliated!

Nice trip!

-Naheed Ali

I was walking my dog with my Rollerblades on (biggest mistake). I have a Lab who's really big and strong, and we were crossing a busy intersection when this really popular girl pulled up in her sports car with four of her friends from school. They waved at me, and I used this very opportunity to show them how cool I was. Just then, I tripped in the middle of the road, and landed flat on my face. To top it all, my dog started dragging me and I got all scraped up, and started crying. Ugh!

Movers and shakers

-Sana Beig

I was at my high school dance, totally lost in the music, with a little freaking over here and a little bumping over there. But when my favourite song came up, I went completely out of control! Just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I started dancing even harder, because I could sense that the person was impressed with my moves. I turned around, only to find that it was my principal, who was trying to tell me that I was dancing in an inappropriate manner! Talk about mortification!