Kamran Shafi

Hot, nonsensical air
March 16, 2002

Two rather important, but extremely silly, announcements from our announcement-prone minister for interior last week. One, that the Islamic Republic is about to ease visa restrictions to encourage tourists to visit the Land of the Pure; and two, that he is inviting India's Home minister Lal Krishna Advani to visit him. As to the first announcement one can only say that visas to visit the Fatherland are rather easy to come by as it is. Look at the lovely Richard Reid, the shoe-bomber, and with what alacrity he obtained his visa several times over.

Wanted: 'Pagals'
March 09, 2002

Madness unreserved
March 03, 2002

Spiralling ever downward
February 23, 2002

Immediately after ordering the Sindh police to belt up if they had nothing of consequence to say, an order which was not followed incidentally, our Interior Minister opened his own mouth rather wide. "We'll crack this case (poor old Danny Pearl's, of course) within 48 hours", the General declared. 

Even more on "soft" Pakistan
February 16, 2002

Whilst Pakistan is a country that excels in making complete schemozzles and bloody great tamashas of the simplest things, the one to do with the kidnapping of the journalist Daniel Pearl really takes the cake. Pearl, as we all know, belongs to a rather important and influential newspaper and the airwaves have therefore been full of him and his story.

More on our "soft" country
February 09, 2002

So then, the "soft" country of Pakistan is going to have elections in October this year, come hell or high water. The NRB is "looking" at the Constitution to see what parts of it should be changed; certain politicians are going to be kept out of the election for "corruption", others so charged and equally guilty at the bar of public opinion are to be allowed to participate.  

Elections in a "soft" state
February 02, 2002

Let me say at the outset that I am a great and unashamed admirer of General Musharraf's, that I pray constantly for his success, his long life. Let me say also that whilst I have harshly criticised his government on many an occasion, just so that the message gets there loud and clear, I still think he is one of the very few good leaders that Pakistan has had. But what is this thing about the elections in October? What is this thing about the "soft" state? What is this shameful thing about Mansur-ul-Haque being released?

Come now, good sir
January 28, 2002

It is good that Naveed Butt has attempted to clarify certain points that I had made re: his organisation, the Hizb ut-Tahrir. Butt Sahib says the Hizb works "principally" in the Islamic World. Where, pray? Apart from Pakistan and Tajikistan, that is. When was the last Hizb protest held in Saudi Arabia or Egypt or the UAE or Qatar or Bahrain or Syria or Jordan or Al Quds, indeed?

Time to act, now
January 19, 2002

So then, our General has spoken once again, and once again spoken well. He has once again, thanks be to God, taken up cudgels against the medieval obscurantists in a courageous manner, and has called a spade a spade. He has, once again, quite rightly announced that henceforth the writ of the land will be applied, that the majesty of law will prevail, and those that take the law into their own hands and use the pulpit for spreading hate will not.  

Going in over their heads
January 12, 2002

Readers will recall that I have often said that Pakistan and India were quite similar in that both the countries were badly led; had inefficient and corrupt bureaucracies (both civil and military) and politicians; and were known for talking big for no apparent reason at all. They will recall too that I have always said that both the countries are unfit to be nuclear powers when they cannot even (I repeat myself) run a bus company jointly or severally.

What malevolence!
December 22, 2001

So then. Three quite different sentiments from three quite different people, sent to me by email after my Hizb ut Tahrir piece. The first that I quote verbatim is from someone called Arshad Khan from London, obviously either a highborn Rajput or a Sikh, and who talks about Arains and Jats being "Kamee Lawg", or low-caste people (could he be a Hindu Brahmin, indeed?).

Hors d'oeuvres
December 15, 2001

Here's an hors d' oeuvres, a starter so to say, for the Director Bahadur of the Pakistan Environmental Protection (Ha, Ha) Agency, Ministry of Environment, Government of Pakistan, one Ziaul Islam: The "satisfactory" level of Coliforms and E.coli in water is determined by the World Health Organisation to be: 1 to 3, and 0, respectively. 

What is this, a silly little game?
December 08, 2001

I was right. With the sole exception of President Musharraf who seems still to have his heart in the right place and an intelligent head on his shoulders, and who still seems to want to do something for the country, his cabinet (and therefore his government) is yet another addition to the (mainly) sorry list of past Pakistani governments that too had their day in the sun.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other
December 01, 2001

So then, the "armies of the Northern Alliance have conquered most of Afghanistan" - report on CNN, Tuesday, November 27th. You only have to look at the television pictures to see the "army" for what it is. Just take off the fatigue caps and trousers and put them into turbans and loose shalwars and you will see as wild-eyed a bunch as the erstwhile Taliban. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the men of the Northern Alliance are every bit as unfeeling, cruel, and maniacal as our friends.

Ostriches, all
November 17, 2001

Before I get on with this week's piece, I wish to clarify a matter I wrote about (for the second time) week before last because many readers have sent me e-mail asking that I do so. I had asked if our General was properly briefed by the Defence and Foreign Ministries on two important matters that he could have brought up with Prime Minister Tony Blair when he came a-calling at this delicate time.

It's the daisy-cutter, stupid
November 17, 2001

The "Daisy Cutter": not a gardening tool, this is a 15,000-pound bomb as large as a Volkswagen Beetle. It is dropped from a C-130 being too heavy for any other aircraft, floats down on a parachute, and explodes several feet above ground with a devastating roar, it's payload of High Explosive slurry (fuel, air and explosives) incinerating everything within 600 yards square. 

Poor Rafiq, and my "yellow" teeth
November 10, 2001

Poor Rafiq Butt was found lying face up, dead, "around 10:30 on the morning of October 23" in his first-floor cell in the Hudson County Correctional Centre (the name given by Americans to some of their County Jails), New Jersey, just across the water from Manhattan, New York City, according to a story in the New York Times of November 5, 2001. 

Writ? What writ?
November 03, 2001

General Musharraf has given a ringing call to the law-enforcing agencies (did I say "law-enforcing"? Makes you want to laugh, eh, for these "agencies" do everything but enforce the law) to ensure that no one is allowed to violate the "writ of the government", at what is known in our country as "a high level meeting".

What fun!
October 27, 2001

For someone as anti-Establishment (that part of our State which is so completely corrupted and power-drunk, which is self-serving to a fault, and which has held our country by the jugular for as long as I can remember) as I, the past two years have been a time of great satisfaction, nay sheer joy. It has been absolutely delightful to see the Pakistani Establishment demolish, take apart, destroy, the monstrous horrors that it created itself, most lovingly, and thrust down our throats so cruelly. It's own Frankensteins.

Hypocrisy, oh hypocrisy
October 20, 2001

So then, Qazi Hussain Ahmed, one of the vociferous Eminences who are spewing venom and diatribe against the United States, has a grandson who is an American national (may the young lad and his parents live long). Hello, what's this?

There it is then, again
October 13, 2001

So then, whilst I get an average of 12 E-mails from my readers every week in response to what I write, I have received sixty-six since I have been writing about the New York Madness. May I here take the opportunity of thanking from the bottom of my heart those kind people who empathised with me for my son's temporary "disappearance" during the Madness, and who wished him and I, well. 

Bit off more than we could chew, eh?
September 22, 2001

First of all, congratulation and felicitation and a big "shabash" to you for saying it like it is, for taking the bull by its horns, for the courage you have shown in facing reality. Second, thanks to the Almighty that we are today ruled by the Leader of the Pakistani Establishment, yourself. 

There we are, then, nth time
September 15, 2001

I write this on the second day of the World Trade Centre madness. I write this as one, who too went through hell on that sad, sad day, because I thought I had (May God Almighty prevent that, always) also lost my son. Kassem, who works in the World Financial Centre, just across the road from the WTC, called at 9:05 AM on the fateful day, and told my wife that there was an explosion in one of the two towers but that he was alright. "Tell Abba not to worry", he said. I was then on my walk, and returned at exactly 9:15. I put on the radio, NPR (National Public Radio), my favourite station for the fact that it is not commercial, is supported by it's own listeners and some well-meaning corporations, and which is known for it's liberal views. There was nothing on it at the time. I began to switch channels and seven minutes later caught one of the many radio stations in the midst of a "Flash" news item. All it said was that an aircraft had flown into one of the WTC towers. So, big deal - a small aircraft might well have rammed into the gigantic tower. So what?

Doing the right thing
September 01, 2001

I was greatly saddened at the news of GA's very tragic, very sudden death. Not for the reason that he was a great friend of mine, us having met just twice in adulthood not too long ago (when he recalled me as being a rather tough - read nasty! - senior Cadet at the Academy too many years ago), but because he was such a gentleman. Far more important than that, he was one of the best people around General Musharraf. The country has lost one of the few good men who could have made a difference. Rest in peace, GA.

Quite alone in the world, what
August 25, 2001

All of the rest of the world, even that part of it which forms the much-vaunted Ummah seems to be going one way, we quite another. I write this from London, where we arrived via a one-night lay-over in Dubai courtesy the airline, a city state that never ceases to amaze me. Its hotels are bursting at the seems, its bazaars are teeming with shoppers, mostly foreigners.

Indian intransigence and the coming disaster
August 14, 2001

The unceasing diatribe emanating out of India via the statements of M/s Jaswant Singh and Atal Behari Vajpayee is surprising to say the least. Is it the case that the old penny dropped so many days after the Pakistani delegation had left Agra in the dead of night, without even the courtesy of a (public) handshake from the hosts, or is it just the ultra-right demonstrating it's hold on the Indian government?

Delhi diary
July 28, 2001

Whilst I have so much to tell you about Delhi; about the block-buster film 'Gadar' (Ghadder in Urdu, a base story about partition which appeals to the basest, most brutish Indian nationalist senses); about 'Lagaan' another block-buster, another silly movie, I must address first a quite needless diplomatic row with India which is now coming to boiling point. This has to do with the Quaid-e-Azam's house at 2, Mount Pleasant Road, on Bombay (or Mumbai)'s Malabar Hill. Pakistan is demanding the house be transferred to it so that it may become the residence of it's Consul General (according to some reports the Consulate itself), whenever the two countries finally agree on reopening consular offices in Bombay and Karachi.

High drama in Agra
July 21, 2001

Five days after the event, the Indian media is full of the Agra summit: editorials, lead articles, letters to the editors; indeed, three national dailies giving it banner head-lines: "Summit not unsuccessful: PM" - The Hindu; "From the host himself: Guest took us for a ride" - The Indian Express; "Opposition gives in to PM fact-file - National consensus on J&K was respected during talks" - The Pioneer. Whilst the underlying theme still is that the Pakistanis used the summit to "propagate" their stand on J&K in sly fashion, there is also a grudging (and growing) admiration at the adept media handling by our side, and implicit criticism of the ponderous and negative responses by the Indian side.

Bad calls
July 14, 2001

There were three bad calls over the last ten days, two from the government and one from Ms Bhutto. In the first, the President was most ill advised to be seen in the company of Chaudhries Shujaat and Pervez of the House of Zahoor (widely reported to be the main architects of the Great Cooperatives Scam), hard on the heels of the well-publicised return of some of the stolen money to the account holders in the coops.

Fond memories
June 30, 2001

Reading Mr Khalid Hasan (always Mr to me, for he was my English master at school) in Dawn the other day - "Since everyone (including Charlie's aunt and my dear friend Mickey in Wah) are giving Gen Pervez Musharraf advice on what he should do in India..." - immediately brought to mind fond memories of my school days. It was 1959 or 1960, I think, when I was a Secondary School student at Cadet College, Hasanabdal, that Mr Hasan taught us.

Hard talk and Abdul Sattar
June 23, 2001

Two very different media performances last week. Whilst I myself did not see the first, being deep in the interior of Mianwali district on a day trip that ended late at night, I did have the misfortune of seeing the second one. From all accounts, a confident Chief Executive, the only one from amongst a long line of Pakistani leaders ranging from military dictators to popularly elected Prime Ministers to have had the gumption to face a live audience, sat there and answered most of the questions, some unfriendly, with assurance.

Common sense vs wisdom
June 16, 2001

Alarmed at the FO's arrogant thick-headedness, I wrote last week that contrary to what Foreign Minister Abdul Sattar had declared, it was of the utmost import that the CE consult with the political leadership of the country before his summit with the Indian Premier, if only to show the Indians that even though he was not an "elected" leader, he had the country behind him. I had said also that there was nothing the FO should be afraid of - that given the goodwill with which the summit was being looked upon, the political parties would not dare to sabotage it.

Any other name, please
June 02, 2001

The poor old Muslim League has had so many suitors over the years, and consequently, in keeping with the old sub-continental custom of the in-laws changing the name of the new bride, so many names that it seems the entire alphabet has been tried on it.

Some good, some bad, period
May 12, 2001

Two quite important news, one that hit the headlines one that did not, are exercising the minds and the hearts of the people of our country. The one that hit the headlines is the cancellation of the Islamabad-Peshawar motorway contract with the Turkish firm Bayindir,

RAMBO, I ask you!
May 05, 2001

So then, somebody has seen the light and pensioned old RAMBO (Regulatory Authority for Media Broadcasting Organisations, I guess is what it means) off, thank God, for it was a silly name at best for the so-called watchdog for the so-called "independent" TV channels and radio stations which are to be set up.

Qabza groups rule OK
April 28, 2001

What is all this high-sounding nonsense that we write about, and read about, every day? What is this "rule of law", "criminal justice system", "right and wrong", "the writ of the state", "contempt of court", "majesty of law" crap that we go on about? Who gives a single solitary damn about any of this in the Land of the Pure? If there were not a few good men - I am sorry if this sounds very much like the horrible American movie, but it is an apt description - no one would.

This is no joke
April 21, 2001

The government's reaction to the Supreme Court's earth-shaking judgement over-turning in the sternest language, Benazir Bhutto and Asif Zardari's conviction by what is now pronounced to be a biased bench of the Lahore High Court, is puerile to say the least.

Of course it was an apology
April 14, 2001

The United States has said sorry, the crisis involving the spy-plane has been defused somewhat, and the US aircrew of the EP-3 is now sunning itself on the plush beaches of Oahu, Hawaii. It was an apology, was it not, that secured the agreement between China and the US? Well, to say "sorry" is to apologise is it not? That is what we were taught at school.

Questions of sovereignty
April 07, 2001

Poor George W Bush. If he is going to have Daddy's friends: General Colin Powell as his Secretary of State, and Donald Rumsfeld as his Secretary of Defence, he should expect many more incidents such as the spy-plane fiasco on his plate before too long.