The poor old Muslim League has had so many suitors over the years, and consequently, in keeping with the old sub-continental custom of the in-laws changing the name of the new bride, so many names that it seems the entire alphabet has been tried on it. Witness please: ML for Muslim League; PML (C) for Council Muslim League; PML (Convention) for Convention Muslim League; PML (Q) for Qasim Group; PML (Pagara) for Pir Pagara's faction, later Functional - whatever that means; PML (J) for Muhammad Khan Junejo's faction; PML (C) for Chattha's faction; and PML (N) for the worthless Nawaz Sharif's faction. The rump of the PML (N), which started off by calling itself the PML (LM) for Like-minded - whatever that means - has gone several steps ahead of all the rest of them, and in a matter of a few months has changed its name three times! LM, then simply L which I just loved, and now, most unadvisedly, PML (Q). Quaid-e-Azam, that is.

Most unadvised, this name, for we should let the poor man rest in peace. His various "lieutenants and companions and jan-i-nasheens " have done enough to sully his name in the 53 years since he departed this earth, and enough should jolly well be enough. The last straw on the poor man's grave will be the likes of Tariq Aziz and Akhtar Rasool, both convicted contemners of the Supreme Court, both at the forefront of the Yahoos who attacked and took over the Muslim League House, Islamabad the Beautiful and the Muslim League House, Lahore calling themselves his companions (in another life) too. Come on, Begum Abida Hussain, have a heart, please. Call your present (for who knows which side of the fence you lot will be on tomorrow) Muslim League anything but "Quaid-e-Azam's Muslim League".

Just as the PML L (I just love this name, so brief, and so easy to remember) was changing its name to PML Q, the brilliant Nawaz Sharif's quite brilliant son, Hassan Nawaz Sharif was touring the United States to commemorate the 28th of May, the day on which Pakistan's foolish and lead-footed government, ably led by his father, was trapped into going overtly nuclear by an openly scheming Indian leadership. Well, many commentators have written much about the idiocy, nay the lunacy of Nawaz Sharif's government taking the line of least resistance and going down the single most disastrous path of all with calamitous consequences for the country, the likes of which have not been faced by many nations in recent memory. But, back to Sharif Junior who was waxing so eloquent about his father's patriotism, among other things.

His father turned down the Nobel Peace Prize and an offer from Pakistan's creditors to write off all of this country's foreign debt, says Sharif Junior, opting instead for testing our nuclear weapons too, "To make Pakistan a nuclear power." Well, even I, a firm believer in the Sharif's not being over-burdened with brains, am thunder-struck. Is this really true? Is Junior merely hallucinating, or is he saying it as it was? For if the boy is fantasising, Nawaz Sharif can be forgiven, for he never knew what he did; if he is not, his father, and all of his advisors including Mushahid "Mandela" Hussain should be strung up by the nearest Ittefaq-built electricity pylon. "All of the country's debt", did he say?

I mean, if what Junior is saying is not true let those who continue to blindly follow Nawaz Sharif today, the 2010 genius Ahsan Iqbal included, disabuse us if they dare. For consider, readers: Pakistan gets all of its debt wiped off (according to Junior); we get high-tech conventional weapons systems including aircraft (which the Americans promised us in so many words); the Americans provide us too, a nuclear defence shield to boot; our people get schools, hospitals, roads, foreign investment - all of it - for not going overtly nuclear; then why in God's name didn't we take that road (always keeping our bomb under wraps)? And in the event, expose India for being the rogue, nuclear rogue, please remember? Why then did everyone and his aunt support the government of the imbecilic Nawaz Sharif at that time, when it and it's blind followers were so gung-ho about the poor Chagai mountain ("Mount Freedom" did I hear someone say, when the number of Pakistanis living below the poverty line is increasing every day?) going all white when its innards were blown asunder?

Oh, but leave it alone. The fact is that we were poorly led at that time; the fact is that we had a goof calling the shots, a goof who was completely unsure of himself; the fact is that he was assisted by people who had no feel of what the reality was, who were there only for the ride much like little snotty-nosed brats on a merry-go-round. Let us accept that our collective political leadership let us down so very completely at the time - even Benazir Bhutto who should have known better, coaxing, nay daring Nawaz Sharif to go overtly nuclear. "Is the Prime Minister wearing bangles", she said. What a sad time that was, what a very sad time. Oh, but leave it alone.

Back to the Muslim League. The fabulously wealthy son of a former general, Humayun Akhtar Abdul Rehman, another "leader" of the Ls, has most kindly offered "talks to government on amendments", particularly on the composition and scope of the National Security Council for the early restoration of democracy, ie, the forming of a government by Humayun Akhtar and Friends, and the subsequent elevation of General Musharraf to the office of President. General Musharraf should be over the moon with this gracious offer by none other than the best, most well paid Actuary in the history of the world. But, sadly, it doesn't seem the General is biting, which is why all manner of PML (L) "leaders" are taking turns sending him loud messages to please, please sir, restore the assemblies. It is good that these opportunists are not being given the time of day by the government for if, heaven forbid, the same rotten assemblies are resurrected we shall really find ourselves in the abyss to end all abysses.

Next week: This government's blue-eyed son, "Devolution". And the question that if the government could not control 105 Deputy Commissioners who are subject to the Efficiency and Discipline (E&D) Rules; who had Chief Secretaries, Secretaries to the provincial governments, and Commissioners overseeing their work; who had elected representatives looking over their shoulders too, then how will it control 105 elected District Nazims (read Pharaohs)? All of them from families who have lorded it over the country for all these years, and brought it to the sorry state it is in today.

The author is a retired army officer and a freelance columnist

pineswah@tx.micro.net.pk