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Graffiti
Hick phonics
ARE - pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate
adjective.
AYER - noun. A colourless, odourless gas (unless you are
in LA). Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ayer!"
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to
borrow." Usage: "Mah brother bard my pickup truck."
BAWS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If yew don't quit
readin' these suthun words an' git back to work, your baws is gonna far
yew!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy,
stay away from that bob war fence."
EAR - noun. A colourless, odourless gas (unless you are in
LA). Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ear!"
HEIDI - noun. Greeting. Usage: "Heidi neighbour, whuz
gone on?"
RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "Mah grampaw
retard at age 65."
Milkman's notes
Sadly the milkman like the coalman and travelling butcher
is dying out. These are some
notes left for milkmen.
-No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he
is dead until further notice.
-Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby
two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.
-Please don't leave anymore milk. All they do is drink it.
-My backdoor is open. Please put milk in the fridge, take
the money out of a cup in the drawer and leave the change on the kitchen
table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.
-Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean
tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday
Have a laugh!
u Joe arrived at the train switching yard where trains are
routed and set on different tracks for an interview. Tom, the Train Switching
Manager starts the interview and asks: What would you do if two trains are on
the same track coming towards each other? Joe answers: I'll go over and pull
the switching lever and get one train on another track so they can pass
safely. Ok, Tom says, what would you do if the switch handle is broken off?
Joe: Well I would get the piece of steel over there by the
shed and use that as the lever.
Tom: Ok good! What would you do if the switch lever is
broken?
Joe: Well, I would pick up the phone and call the main
office and get them to switch it from there!
Tom: Ok, very good! What would you do if no one answers
the phone?
Joe: Well, then I would call my cousin Vinny at the fire
department and tell him to get down here right away.
Tom: What good would that be?
Joe: Well, he's never seen two trains collide.
- Times were hard in Russia after the Cold War, but there
was a determined young man who wanted to buy a new car. He saved money for
many years until he had just the right amount. Immediately, he went to the
car dealer and said, "I want to buy a new car!" "That's
good," replied the car dealer. "We will get a car for you soon.
Come back here in eight years and three months... We'll have your car."
The man replied, "Will that be morning or afternoon?" The car
dealer was surprised. "Does it really matter?" he asked.
"Yes," the man said, "it really matters. The plumber promised
me that he would come that day too."
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