Dear EE,

Thank you for writing to Aangan and sharing your experience with us. We understand how difficult it is to share such experiences with someone and we really appreciate your courage and strength in doing so.

In a situation where the abuser is in a position of respect or authority, it is even more difficult to deal with it for many reasons such as confusion, loss of trust, fear of the consequences, etc. As you have realised yourself, vulgar, sexual talk is also part of abuse and can create a lot of discomfort. Please give us some more information if you can about the abuse. We would like to know whether the teacher who is abusing you is a man or a woman. How long has the abuse been going on? How have you coped with the abuse? Does anyone else know about what is going on?

I can understand how painful all this must be for you. It is natural for you to be upset at this time as you are being taken advantage of by someone who has a position of authority over you. I realise that it must be very difficult for you to be around this teacher and it is important that the abuse be stopped somehow. Very often, victims of abuse feel helpless and think there is no way out of the situation, but there are always options to try out. This will require effort and a lot of courage, but you have the right to protect yourself from harm. We can certainly help you find ways to protect yourself, but eventually the choice has to be yours because you can understand your own circumstances better than anyone else.

You have already identified one option. Talking to responsible and trustworthy adults is one of the best ways of getting help. So, telling your other teacher whom you trust about the abuse can be very helpful as she might be able to give you some good advice and support you emotionally through this traumatic period in your life, and prevent the abuse from happening again. However, you have to be prepared to wait for some time because your teacher might not immediately give you the right response, or the response that you want either because she does not have enough information about the abuse or because of her own relationship with the abuser as his/her colleague. So it may be useful to have one or two other people in mind, too, who could help you if this does not work out the way you would like.

Can you think of anyone else you can trust if needed? Apart from talking to someone, other ways of protecting yourself could be to try as much as possible to stay in a group setting when you are around the abuser because as you mentioned your teacher harasses you when you are alone. Remember, the main source of power that any abuser has is the victim's silence, fear and helplessness. By showing him that you are not as powerless as he thinks and wants you to be, you can take a lot of his/her control away. Think about this and other options you may have in your mind.

You may also be experiencing a lot of other painful feelings because of his behaviour, which are also important to let out so that they do not keep bothering you for too long. We encourage you to keep writing to us, or call us and discuss your feelings and options and to seek our support through this difficult time. You have been very brave by writing to us and have taken the first step towards recovery. We hope you will continue the effort and the process.

Always here for your support,

Aangan Psychologist

For more information or to share personal, incidents related to child sexual abuse call or write to:Aangan-Rozan, P.O. Box 2237, Islamabad.

Ph:0800 22444 (toll free help line), e-mail :aangan@mail.comsats.net.pk