Once bitten twice shy

Salaam Guru,

I am a 14-year-old girl and am a student of 9th class. I happen to be a very sensitive and kind hearted person. Even if people are mean to me I can’t be rude to them. My problem is that my friends take me for granted due to my meek and mild personality. I had three best friends but they left me one after another. I was very nice with them yet they all ditched me. I was heart broken but didn’t say anything to them. Now, I have met this very nice girl who is very sweet with me. But I am just afraid of losing her. What if she also leaves me? I need friends in my life. What should I do?

Jazz

Dear Jazz,

I really feel sorry for you but dear if you analyse yourself realistically, you will get the answer yourself. In today’s world you cannot afford to be so humble. Of course your friends will take you for granted if you keep on behaving like a doormat. It’s good to be nice with others but it’s stupidity to give others an opportunity to rule over you. What you actually lack is confidence. Your friends took advantage of your weak personality. It seems that all your previous best friends were mean. They were with you as long as they wanted to and then they just walked away. You should not worry about that. Actually it’s not your loss but theirs. Don’t run after people. The moment you stop giving them undue attention they will start taking interest in you. Re-organise yourself. Be assertive and learn to say 'no’. Stop worrying about losing your new friend. Be nice with her but give her her own space. I am sure your friendship will continue. Good luck!

Girls just want to have fun

Dear Guru,

I am a 15-year-old boy. My life was quite blissful before a hideous incident changed everything. I study in a co-ed school. I had just started my O levels when one day a girl from A levels approached me and asked me for assistance. I agreed and the next thing I knew, I was trapped in an empty washroom with a hoard of girls. What happened next was unbelievable. I am still in shock and cannot believe that girls can do nasty things with boys. I would like to warn other boys to be aware of smart girls. I need your help, how can I get over with this?

M. Raza

Dear M. Raza,

Take it easy boy. Don’t get so emotional or upset. The girls were having fun. It was their little prank that they played on you. Since you were naive you got trapped but be careful next time. You have also learnt a lesson – never follow any beautiful girl blindly as you never know what’s in store for you. Just take this incidence in your stride and forget about it. Well, you also have to digest this reality that girls have as much right to have fun as boys. Good luck!

My father is a miser

Hi Guru,

I am a student of O levels and I would like to discuss with you a problem. My father is very strict and his attitude with me is very harsh. He keeps a vigilant eye on me and is always interfering in my affairs. He often tells me to do something and in lieu of that work he promises to buy gifts for me like videogames and mobile. But he never gives me anything. When I try to remind him of his commitment he just ignores me. If I insist, he starts beating me up. My pocket money is also very meagre although my father earns a lot. I cannot tolerate my miserly father anymore. Please tell me what to do?

Depressed Leo

Dear Depressed Leo,

First you need to change your thinking pattern. You think your family is your enemy which is very wrong on your part. Your father is not your enemy; he is your well wisher. As a responsible father he takes care of all your needs. Since you are not mature, he has to keep an eye on your activities which all parents do. Once you finish your studies or when you are financially independent, you can lead your life according to your choice. So what if you do some work for him. You should not expect a gift every time you do something for your father. That’s being selfish on your part. Your father is not a miser. He is a sensible person who does not want you to get spoiled. Yes, I do agree with you. He should not be harsh with you and should not beat you. Try to communicate with him in a friendly manner and try not to give him any chance to be angry with you. You’ll feel much better and I’m sure his behaviour will also change towards you. Good luck!

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