In Your Aangan

Note: Today's letter has been kept confidential according to the wish of the girl, (16), who shared the tragic incident that happened to her with Aangan. Only the reply to her letter has been printed on the page, as per her consent. Here, I would also like to share that some readers might find the following reply difficult to read and believe due to the relationship of the victim with the abuser. Sadly, this is one of the bitter realities of the issue of child sexual abuse, which is rampant in our society. I request all readers to be patient, reflect upon the following letter and do write to Aangan if you feel overwhelmed or want to share a personal incident. And please realize that such incidents are rare indeed.

Dear Wanting a Peaceful Life,

Thank you for writing to Aangan! It must have taken a lot of courage on your part to write about your experience and I am very proud of you for having the courage to do so. You can feel free to write to me in Urdu and I will reply to your letters thorough this page.

What happened to you and is still happening is indeed very terrible. We can understand that you must be going through a lot of confusion, especially because the abuser is your own father. We would like to tell you that no one, even your father, has the right to use you the way he is doing.

It is very important that you understand that what ever is happening is not your fault in any way. Many victims feel ashamed and guilty and blame themselves for what happens. People generally know very little about the subject and often put the blame on the victim. However, you yourself must believe that it was not your fault. Your abuser was not only so much older than you, but also in a much stronger position of authority and respect. We can understand how difficult it must be for you to try to stop him.

Children have a concept of a safe, loving and caring environment and rely on their loved ones to provide this kind of an environment, but if somehow or the other this concept is shattered by the loved ones, it creates a lot of confusion and mistrust in their mind and they grow up with all these feelings. The feelings that you have experienced and shared with us are very natural. The confusion that you have about how to behave with him is also understandable. It must be a difficult phase for you since no one in your family knows why you behave the way you do with your father. From what you have written it seems that the situation is very manipulative and if you resist his advances he creates a tense atmosphere in the house, thus making you feel guilty about it. In a way he behaves in this way to get you to comply with his wishes.

There are a few things that we would like you to think about and answer. Is there a way by which you can protect yourself? What will happen if you say "no" to him and what will be the consequences? Is there anyone in your family you are close to or whom you think will support you?

I would like you to know that one of the first step towards healing is to talk to someone who supports and listens to you and we can see that you have already taken that first step by writing to Aangan. We hope you do realize how important it is for you to say NO to your father. Since he is someone you trust and who means a lot to you, you might find it difficult to say NO to him initially. Even if you are unable to say "no", remember that we are here for you and you can keep writing to us.

Sincerely,

Aangan Psychologist

The Spirit of Volunteerism

It took Aangan 15 years to break the silence surrounding CSA, to motivate people to raise their voice against this issue and empower young minds with enough skills to protect themselves in an abusive situation. Aangan could not have achieved all this without the constant support of over 200 volunteers who have worked with Aangan from different parts of the country. Their commitment and devotion has really made a difference! Volunteers, join Aangan in a certificate programme offered throughout the year called the 'Long Distance Volunteer Programme' (LDVP) designed for people/youngsters who want to contribute to breaking the silence around this issue by generating discussions about it and raising awareness in whatever possible way they can.

You can also join LDVP regardless of your geographical location. Details of LDVP could be acquired by dropping us a line at aangan@mail.comsats.net.pk, by visiting the website www.rozan.org or by calling us at 051-2215368. Together, let's make this world a safe place for children for, humankind owes to the children, the best it has to give.