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Dear Guru,

I am a 14-year-old girl. My father is in the Army. We moved to Bhawalpur two years back after living in Islamabad for about seven years. I really enjoyed living in Islamabad and was very upset when we moved, but there was nothing we could do as my father was officially posted there. Islamabad was so cool whereas Bhawalpur is so dull and boring.

I study in Army Public School and am doing pretty well in studies. Now, the problem is that even after a period of two years, I haven't been able to adjust myself to my new surroundings. I am really depressed. Although my family is happy and everything is fine, I still miss Islamabad and my old friends very much. I remain in gloomy mood all the time.

Troubled Cool Girl

Dear Troubled Cool Girl,

I can very well imagine your situation. Moving from one city to another is always upsetting. I know how you must be feeling, but dear, now that you are living in Bhawalpur, you should try to adjust yourself with the new surroundings. Postings are a part of army life and the sooner you get used to it the better it will be for you. Don't be so upset about leaving Islamabad. Have you ever thought about your other family members? Well, when they can adjust happily, why can't you? I am sure, it's not easy for them also to move here, but since your father is in army he has no choice. He can be posted anywhere and of course his family has to go wherever he is posted. I think instead of creating trouble for your family, cooperate with your father. Don't make him feel guilty by maintaining a long face all the time. Make good use of your time. You are a good student and you should focus on your studies, so that you can divert your attention. Try to make new friends. Missing your old friends is understandable, but how long can you live like this? You have to make an effort, and move on. Start mingling with people. You can go out for a walk in the evenings. Or you can join a club where you can relax or participate in your favourite sports. Are you into reading? It's the best way to pass your leisure time. My dear, your situation is not as bad, as you apparently think. You just need to change your thinking pattern and soon you'll feel better and much more relaxed. Good luck!

CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Confused Gal,

I don't understand why you are so obsessed ith that cousin of yours. I think he likes you, but is not seriously involved with you. And, at present  you are too young to fall in love. At 17 you should rather concentrate on your studies instead of wasting your time in such activities. Leave the decision of your marriage to your parents. They are wise and they know better what's best for you. Good luck!

Salam Guru,

My problem is that I can't refuse my friends and in this way I tend to lose most of my precious time with them. As a result, I cannot devote much time to my studies. I want to get good grades in my exam, but at the same time I don't want to offend my friends. Neither do I want to miss my studies. Tell me what I should do?

Another problem is that I always feel shy in front of girls. Actually, till grade 8 I studied in an all-boys school and now I am studying in co-ed. I want to be friendly with girl. Please help.

Out of Order

Dear Out of Order,

You seem to be a kind-hearted person who cannot refuse his friends and is always there to help them. It's a very good quality of yours, but at the same time, this quality is not favouring you as far as your studies are concerned. I think you must make a list of your priorities. At this time your priority should be your studies, and not your friends. Just remember that the only way you can achieve success in life is through your studies. So concentrate on your studies. Be polite with your friends and try to deal with them tactfully. Don't say 'no' bluntly, but avoid going out with them by telling them gently but firmly, 'Sorry, I can't come right now, I have some urgent work at home', or 'I have to study for a test' etc. And yes, you can always spend time with them when you are free or when it's not affecting your studies.

As for your second problem, I think you just need to feel confident about yourself. Come on, don't be shy of girls. Girls are shy by nature, and if you are reluctant in talking to them then how can they be friends with you? Since you are a student, you should treat all your classmates alike whether they are boys or girls, This will help you overcome your natural shyness. Good luck!   

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