1.
Jaani
A particular favourite of the fashionista set, jaani is used as the
Pakistani equivalent to darling, babe or sweetheart - except the nauseating
way in which the word is used makes us want to stab ourselves with
scissors. It is used in such a placating, fake manner that the rather
sweet endearment of jaan has been abused by appending an 'i' to it.
Sample conversations like "jaani, you know I love you and would
never have b***hed you out behind your back" (yeah, right!) or
"jaani, that outfit is gorgeous!" (Usually when the wearer
of said gorgeous outfit has shown up in what appears to be fit for
the trashcan) help people get away with saying everything without
saying anything at all. We hope, wish, pray and dream that this word
somehow dies its much-too-outstayed-welcome!
2. Ladies
If it makes you cringe every time you hear 'ladies iss taraf line
main lag jayein' or 'ladies bethi hui hain' we feel your pain. Whether
you're standing in line at the bank or a government office, the word
'ladies' is thrown about ad nauseam, making one nauseated. Frankly,
why must one use the word ladies? Why can it not be replaced by the
Urdu equivalent 'khawateen' (in which case the sentence would make
more sense)?
3. Aunty
'Aunty' is probably as annoying - if not more - than the word 'ladies'.
While we understand and appreciate the concept of respect that the
word is supposed to evoke, there is much confusion in store for kids
who are told to call everyone aunty, leading them to wonder whether
they are actually related to such a huge plethora of women. While
we expect we cannot tell shopkeepers to not address women as 'aunties'
we expect those of you raising children to tell them to just call
people by their names - 'Mrs X' and 'Mrs Y' would sound better than
"Aaantiiiieeeeeee"
4.
Outing / Function
If I'd had a rupee for every time I've heard both these words being
used, I would be a very, very rich woman. Dear parents, please stop
embarrassing your children by referring to them going to hangout,
have coffee, have shisha, party with their friends by referring
to it as an 'outing'. They are not 'out' - they are enclosed in
a coffeshop/café/someone's house - and frankly, 'outing'
may have sounded cool in the '70s, but it is so very, very passé
now. Similarly, can we also stop referring to 'functions' - a birthday
party, a wedding event, a family get together - are not 'functions'.
5. Nice
The one word that means absolutely nothing at all is 'nice'. It
is the most vague word of all time, used as an adjective to describe
anything, without saying anything at all! If someone says you're
nice, be sure that they have no opinion of you. For all budding
writers, it is essential that the word nice is considered as bad
as blasphemous. It is probably the best escape to saying something
critical - and just saying 'oh look, that's nice!' - means the person
either has no opinion at all, or an opinion so harsh you don't want
to hear it.
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