Last night, something happened to me. I was out with my husband and I was harassed by a group of young men, who to me looked like a bunch of gangsters (then again, all young men today seem to make me fear that). One of the young men came up to me, arms up, and screamed into my ear like he was fighting off some monster. Normally, I am not affected by this type of childish behaviour by ignorant kafirs, but this time, it got to me. I thought about all the experiences I have had over the years in this country, the United States, from the time a group of young guys tried to run me over to the stupid, silly ninja jokes I hear almost every time I go out. I felt weak, and I was tired of being a freak.

When we were talking about the incident, we started to come up with options, like changing the colours I wear -- avoiding black. We felt that maybe that would help. But after really thinking about it, I doubt it will help. When I was almost run over, I was wearing a headpiece, jeans and a long top.

This was back in my first days as a Muslim, when I did not know that this was not proper hijab. The dress did not matter. The colour, I believe, does not really matter. It seems, in most cases that what matters to them is that I am different. In other cases, it is that I am Muslim.

The reality is that this society that publicly applauds individuality, is actually one of the most repressive societies that exist. Individuality is good as long as that individuality matches what the other individuals are doing to express their individuality.

If all the young people are rebelling by growing long hair, donning beads and doing drugs, then it is acceptable to be individualistic by behaving the same way.

But if all the youngsters are doing as I just mentioned, it is not appropriate to put on a hijab and fear Allah. That is aberrant behaviour!

Allah warned us that the non-believers would not accept us until we give up our Islam. We have to become just like them to be accepted by them. Then, they will be happy. Allah says:

"And the Jews will not be pleased with you, nor the Christians until you follow their religion. Say: Surely Allah's guidance, that is the (true) guidance. And if you follow their desires after the knowledge that has come to you, you shall have no guardian from Allah, nor any helper." (2:120)

At first, I thought it would be wise to tone down my appearance. But I realised that too often, we use the term 'Hikmat' (wisdom) to justify watering down our religion. But when we do that, we lose the true flavour of Islam, we lose the sweetness of the faith. Wisdom does not involve throwing aside the beliefs in Allah in order to please the population that surrounds us.

Ibrahim Abu Khalid wrote: "The word Hikmah (wisdom) has been misinterpreted for too long. It means to approach the people in the best way possible, to act in the most appropriate way taking that particular situation into account."

"It has never meant to give a false image of Islam for personal or community welfare. When Muslims are willing to compromise in all aspects of their lives, we lose the favour of Allah, emit an image of weakness to our enemies, and lose that dignity in the sight of our Creator." (Nida'ul Islam magazine August-September 1995)

Last night, as I reflected on what happened, and my weak reaction to it, I felt ashamed. Am I better than Prophet Muhammad (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) and his great companions? Of course not! And when I look to what they had to endure, I am ashamed of my impatience with such a minor incident.

The companions of the Holy Prophet (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) endured torture, humiliation, starvation, and even death. All that happened to me was a guy screamed in my ear. Where was that patience I preach about, the pride in my religion, the opposing attitude? If this was a test, I failed miserably. Allah forgive me!

Now, how does this apply to me as a Muslim? Well, I think it was a lesson for me. I think that I was meant to learn that it is easy for Satan to open the door to our hearts to make us want to compromise to please society.

Attempts were made to tempt the Holy Prophet (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) with lucrative offers that were made to him. He was offered to become a ruler in Makkah, but he did not falter. He did not compromise one iota of Islam for these people, and neither should we.

I know that wearing black hijab is not necessary. I would be committing no sin if I switched to blue or green or white. I know that it could possibly be easier on me if I change to another colour. But, will I ever be able to respect myself again if I allow the inconsequential bullying of a kafir scare me into giving up one act (Sunnah or Fardh) from my religion?

On the Day of Judgment, will I be able to honestly say to Allah that I was willing to sacrifice my life for His sake if I am not even willing to withstand a little taunting for His sake?

When I first became Muslim, the idea of "fitting in" was drilled into me. I was told that I should modify my hijab in such a way as to blend in. "Use the patterns that are 'in fashion'. Modify them, so they are more Islamic," I was told. I did that. I compromised my religion by trying to look more like the non-Muslims, so that they would not be intimidated by me.

The result? When some hijackers, who were assumed to be Muslims like it was this time, hijacked a plane and killed the pilot, a group of young men decided that the proper retaliation for this was to kill me because I was a Muslim like those terrorists. They aimed their car towards me and gunned the engines. They missed me only by the Grace of Allah.

All I remember is jumping, and when I landed, the car was fishtailing over the spot where I had been standing! It was then that I realised that compromise is useless. It does not matter what I do. I am different. I am a freak, and I am a slap in the face to all their values, morals and culture, so they are never going to accept me!

So why should I lose any chance I may have at paradise, just to make them feel less intimidated by me? Over the years, I have read Ahadith like the one narrated by Jabir bin 'Abdullah, which says:

"The Holy Prophet (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) said, 'I have been given five things, which were not given to any one else before me: 1. Allah made me victorious by awe, (by His frightening my enemies) for a distance of one month's journey...'" (Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 7, Number 331)

And I have thought about the meaning of this. Why would fear be good? Do we want the non-believers to fear us? Isn't it the fear of us that makes them hurt us in places like Bosnia and Kosovo? Isn't it the fear of us that makes them harass us?

Maybe! But it was also fear of us that made them respect us when we were strong in our religion, when we did not compromise it. When we were strong in the religion, we were leaders of the world. We had the religion and the power because Allah was on our side.

When we started to compromise, we lost the power. Then we were left with only the fear from a group that was stronger than us. We lost the benefits of that fear, Allah's protection, because we were willing to compromise. Ibn-e-Khaldun said, "I knew Andalus would fall when I saw them imitating the Kuffaar (non-Muslims)."

They were a strong nation, but they sacrificed the favour of Allah for the favour of the non-Muslims, and the non-Muslims rewarded them with contempt and Muslim blood flowing like rivers in the streets. The Bosnians and the Kosovars blended in, now the price they pay for being good neighbours is having no home.

Allah also warned us what would happen when we stopped practising our religion, when we sacrificed the next world for this one: "The nations summon each other upon you as you call guests to eat from a plate of food", they said, "will we be few in number on that day, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "no rather you will be many on that day, but you will be like the foam on the ocean. And Allah will remove the fear in the hearts of your enemies and place in your hearts 'al-Wahn'." They said, "what is 'al-Wahn', O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "Love of this world and hatred of death."' (Hadith)

I know, it is a small thing, a colour. It is easy and Halaal for me to change from black to something else, but Insha-Allah, I will not give them the satisfaction! We, as Muslims, have to take a stand somewhere. When will the compromise stop?

When will the love for Allah above the love for this world cause us to act? When will I stop cowering and fight back? When will I say, "Enough! My way is the right way; it is the way of Allah and what you are doing is wrong?"

When will I become a caller to Islam - all of it - without compromise, without sugar-coating, without reservations? When will I finally accept that what Allah has commanded - either as a Fardh or a Sunnah is the best and compromising it compromises me? When will I stand in the face of evil and say, "Enough!"?

This is my battlefield. It is small, I admit, but this is where I draw the line. I will not compromise on what I know to be the best to please those I know to be in error.

Allah accept from me this small deed for Your sake and give us all the strength to say 'Enough!' Ameen.

Incline to peace, the spider quotes,

To the unsuspecting fly.

A familiar tale unfolds itself,

So does a familiar lie.

How many times must we succumb,

To the spider's bloody thirst,

Before we realize the truth,

We must defeat him first.

Only achieved on our own terms,

Can peace be considered peace.

Only when we've reached this goal,

Can any hostilities cease.

For if we withdrawal under any plan,

Our enemy can engender,

What we will have achieved will not be peace,

Allah emphasises in the Holy Qur'aan that the highest transgression against Him is the practice of "shirk" (polytheism) or to set up partner or partners with Him. If one believes that for one reason or another, Allah needs partner or partners to perform or do tasks in His Creation, one would nullify all his/her work and will end up as a loser in the hereafter. Unfortunately, people in the world practice this high crime against Allah with blatant ignorance and will fight against any one who advocates Allah Alone.

We have to go with our natural instinct of monotheism according to Allah's creation and do not set up partners with Him. Unhappiness follows immediately and in the hereafter one will end up debased. We have to remember that Allah is the One who provides for us. He is the Living, the Eternal, and not the dead prophets, messengers, saints, etc.

More blatant acts of shirk are practised when tombs of prophets and saints are turned into sacred places or mosques and names other than Allah are called. Calling upon anything or anyone besides Allah constitutes "shirk".

Allah tells us that He is the Seer, the Hearer and Omnipotent. Why do we ask others besides Him for help?

Have they created anything? Can they hear or see or help anyone? Previous messengers have warned about the evils associated with setting up partners with Allah and they were ridiculed and insulted.

This is a tragedy for the people who practise the highest crime of "shirk" against Allah. We must remember that we were all gathered before coming to this life and were asked by Him if He is our Lord, and we all agreed that He is and bore witness to that. Thus, on the Day of Judgement, we cannot claim that we were unaware of this. Remember that after this testimony and this covenant with Allah, we cannot go back to the pride of the days of ignorance. This amounts to breaking our covenant with Allah and an unforgivable offence.

Seeking help and protection from anything or anyone tantamounts to "shirk". Allah helps you when you remember Him, when you ask Him for help, when you seek guidance from Him. Commemoration of Allah is what the Holy Qur'aan emphasises for the people.

Remember that Satan is enticing people to follow methodologies not prescribed in the Holy Qur'aan. Do not respond to Satan, for he is your most ardent enemy.

The question that we owe to ourselves to ask is why ask any one besides Allah for anything? Is He not sufficient for His servants? Allah informs us that: When my servants ask you about Me, I am always near. I answer their prayers when they pray to Me. The people shall respond to Me and believe in Me, in order to be guided.

It is reported from Abu Darda (Radhi Allaho anho) that he said, "That may face be covered in dust for my Rabb (is most loved by me), for that is the best kind of worship for Allah." So let none of you fear the dust, nor find it distasteful to make sujud (prostrate) in it, for there is no doubt that every one of you comes from it (ie mankind was created from dust). Nor should any of you fear an excess of it, for verily, it is by this means that one attempts to attain freedom from slavery and salvation from the Hellfire, a fire before which the fixed lofty mountains which were placed as pegs (holding the earth) could not stand, nor the seven strong heavens, built one above another, which are placed as a well graded canopy over us, nor the earth, which was placed as a dwelling for us, nor the seven seas, of which none knows their depths or their size except the One Who created them. Then what about us, with our feeble bodies, our delicate bones, our flimsy skin?

We seek refuge with Allah from the Fire! So should any of you stand in prayers then let him be as if he sees Allah before him, for though he may not see Allah, verily, Allah sees him. It is narrated in a Hadith that Allah's Messenger (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) advised a man, saying: "Fear Allah as though you see Him, for verily, though you may not see Him, He sees you." [Something similar to this wording is quoted in the Hadith in which the Holy Prophet spoke to Jibril informing him about the meaning of 'ihsaan', as reported by Bukhari, Muslim].

This then, is the advice of the Holy Prophet (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) to the slave in all his affairs, so what about when he performs prayers, when he stands before Allah, in a particular place, a sacred place, desiring Allah and turning his face towards Him? Does not his standing, his situation in prayer merit the same Ihsaan as all his affairs? It says in a Hadith: "Verily, the slave, when he starts his prayers, should turn his face to Allah, and he should not turn it away from Him until he leaves or turns to right and left." [ie, when he recites Salaam in the end]. (Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Nasai). It is also narrated in a Hadith: "Verily, the slave, as long as he is in prayer, possesses three qualities: Blessings are showered upon his head from the heavens above, the angels sit around him, from his feet to the heavens and a caller says: 'If the slave knew the One Who hears his whispered utterances, he would never leave his prayer.'"

Allah showers His Mercy upon the worshipper who approaches prayer in a state of humility and meekness towards Allah, in fear and supplicating Him with desire (for His Pleasure), and in hope (of His Mercy), offering prayer to his Creator, his most important consideration, dedicating his whispered utterances to Him and his standing erect in worship and his Ruku` and his Sujud, poring out his heart and his feelings and struggling to perfect his acts of worship, for he knows not whether he will offer another prayer after it, or whether he will be overtaken (by death) before he can offer prayer again. He stands before his Creator, earnestly, with deep feelings, hoping for its acceptance and fearing its rejection, for verily, its acceptance is a cause for joy, while its rejection is a cause for misery and wretchedness.

Nothing could be more important to you in this prayer, or indeed in any of your actions [i.e. that Allah should accept them]. What is more deserving of your distress and misery, your fear -- indeed your terror -- you know not whether your prayer will find favour with Allah at all, nor whether any of your good deeds will be accepted. Do you know if your sins will be forgiven at all? After all this, you have no assurance that you will be spared from it (ie the punishment of the Hellfire). So, who is more deserving of your tears and sadness than Allah -- that He may accept from you (your deeds)?

In addition to this, you know not whether or not you will be awaken in the morning, nor if you will still be here in the evening, will you be given the good news of Paradise, or the bad news of the Hellfire? I only desire to warn you of this terrible danger. It is not fitting that you should be happy because of your family, your wealth or your children.

How entangled people are in age-old traditions and self-made norms and regulations is reflected, even in the modern era, in the innumerable domestic disputes, for whose Islamic solutions people usually contact me. It isn't only their retrogressive attitude that is a matter of concern, but their being ignorant of the basic laws of Islam is far more pitiable.

Recently, a Muslim lady from America related a very lengthy and tragic account of her own life which shows the barbaric and oppressive manner some Muslim parents still adopt when dealing with the significant issues of their children, especially the daughters. (No wonder Islam is regarded with such disrepute the world over). Below is a summary of her letter.

She had stated, "I belong to a very well-educated and a highly affluent family. My father, despite his literacy, was always adamant in not letting either of his daughters to marry outside the kindred. I am the eldest daughter and received many proposals in my early youth, but were all declined by my father on the grounds that they were not from our close relatives, and were, therefore, unacceptable.

This continued until I reached an age when such proposals ceased to come. It was then that my father once told me that because there was no possibility of me getting married within the family sphere, I should make an oath before him I will remain unmarried for the rest of my life, and being affluent, he shall be responsible for my sustenance.

My father took coercive measures to make me comply with his decision. Later, in honour of his wishes, I sincerely resolved to lead a life of celibacy. But my mother, brother and youngest sister were not happy with my decision. One man who had proposed to me long ago was, despite my father's flat refusal, still waiting for a change in the decision. My brother and sister tried hard to persuade my father. Finally, he relented and agreed, but also added, that because such a step would be in utter disregard of his wishes I should, after the marriage, sever true relationship with him. However, I was not made aware of this until the wedding had materialised.

Eventually, I moved over to America where my husband was. Now, after many attempts to contact my father, I have discovered that he has stuck to his words and is unwilling to accept me as his daughter."

This is one typical story of a Muslim household. Although other incidents may not have reached such extreme levels, but it can be asserted, beyond a shadow of doubt, that a large number of Muslim families certainly suffer from such misconceptions as far as marriage is concerned. Undoubtedly, the Shari'ah has, to an extent, observed the law of compatibility between spouses. But it has been solely designed to ensure psychological balance and harmony between them and their families, which is indispensable if such a contact is expected to last for lifetime.

Compatibility should be seen in the living styles, modes of thinking and most of all the dispositions of the boy and girl. An imbalance in these is sure to entail a turmoil that will result in endless rows between the two.

This, however, does not mean that such requirements are so essential a part of marriage that if they were not met, marriage could not be solemnised.

Further, compatibility isn't only restricted to the kindred. Any Muslim household that meets the requirements of compatibility will, for that matter, be classified an equal.

It seems, therefore, that ignorance of the rules of compatibility is the main cause behind such stubborn attitudes. Hence, in order to acquaint the masses, the rules of compatibility are mentioned below.

Equality in lineage, religiosity and profession will qualify for compatibility, regardless of whether the family is related or not. Equality of lineage does not mean that their family origin has to be the same, but their being of an equal standard is sufficient, like Syeds (descendants of the Noble Prophet (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) Siddiquis, Farooquis, 'Usmanis and 'Alawiys (all belonging to the four Caliphs respectively) are all equals.

In fact all the Quraysh families will be regarded equals of one another. Similarly, certain reputed families that originate from the Indian subcontinent, such as Rajput, Khan, etc. are also held equals. Some Ahadith do encourage the observance of compatibility to maintain a balance in the temperaments, but it is wrong to think that it is a grave sin or that marriage remains invalid if done otherwise. The truth is that marriage solemnised outside the compatibility sphere with the consent of the girl and her parents will amount to no sin at all. In fact, if the family fails to find an equal spouse for the girl, they should marry her off to any suitable man available. It is, however, advisable to proceed with the marriage in the presence and with the consent of the Wali (guardian) of the girl. This should particularly be observed when marriage is performed outside the compatibility sphere, as, then according to many Jurists, such marriage remains invalid. Wali, on his part, should also not be too strict on the application of compatibility rules, not to mention the emphasis on marriage within the family sphere. A Hadith states, 'When one whose religiosity and character are agreeable to you comes with a proposal, then solemnize the marriage with him. If you fail to do that, corruption and strife will prevail the world.'

Another misunderstanding that is quite common is that Syeds are thought to have no equals and it is believed that their marriage should only be contracted amongst themselves. Syeds are those families whose lineage goes back to Banu Hashim. As the Prophet (Sall Allaho alaihe wasallam) himself belonged to the Banu Hashim tribe, this is undoubtedly a matter of pride, but the assumption that this noble lineage should make it impossible for them to marry outside the Syed family is incorrect. Not only the Shaykhs, but all the Quraysh tribes are, Islamically regarded equals of Syeds.

Islam looks at the woman as a wife and a mother. In contrast, some non-Islamic societies look at the woman mainly as a female at the expense of her role as a wife and her role as a mother. As a result, Islam shapes instructions to suit the woman's role as a wife and the woman's role as a mother, because the family needs a wife dedicated to her husband and a mother dedicated to her children.

We said that Islam blocks the way to illegitimate children by blocking the ways leading to illegal sexual intercourse. This is one way to protect the child.

The second way to protect the child is to protect the family. When marriage takes place, a new family is established. When children are born, the family grows in number. Islam protects the family from divorce, which damages all the members of the family.

Islam does not allow the husband to intermingle freely with other women so as to protect his relation with his wife. Islam does not allow the wife to intermingle freely with other men so as to protect her relation with her husband.

In Islam, the husband is wholly tied to his wife and the wife is wholly tied to her husband. This is the only way to protect marriage from divorce, to protect the family from destruction, and to protect children from fatherlessness, motherlessness, or both.

In contrast, in societies that allow the two sexes to intermingle freely, there are two main problems. First, in such societies there are many cases of illegal intercourse and illegitimate children.

Secondly, marriage does not live long and divorce is the end of most marriages. Of course, divorce is not only the end of marriage, but also the beginning of problems for the ex-husband, the ex-wife, and their children.

I must admit that although the Western countries are scientifically and technologically progressive and are sensitive to statistics related to industry and economy, they do not show the same sensitivity to statistics related to social life. When a Western economist considers the figures and numbers of a certain economy, he concludes something about that economy. In contrast, when a Western sociologist or psychologist considers the statistics of divorce in his country, he concludes nothing.

In some Western countries, 60 per cent of marriages end up with divorce. What does this mean? It simply means that the social structure there destroys marriage and that the Western way of life nowadays leads to the destruction of marriage and the destruction of the family.

This result is not difficult to expect. In the West, the two sexes mingle freely; alcohol is drunk as frequently as water; women are almost naked everywhere. The result of this mixture is clear.

In some non-Islamic countries, the formula now is this: males + females + alcohol + feminine nakedness = illegitimate children + destruction of marriage + homeless children.

In contrast, the Islamic formula is exactly the opposite: males separated from females + no alcohol + feminine decency = legitimate children + protection of marriage + protected children.

I think it is time for Western specialists in psychology and sociology to look into the statistics about their social diseases and to compare these statistics with others in Islamic countries in order to have a practical clue about the difference between Islam and non-Islam.