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She says no

Dear Guru,

I am a regular reader of your section. I am a 21-year-old guy and am a medical student. My problem is that I like a girl, H, who is a family friend of ours for the past four years. She is studying with me and is aware of my feelings. However, she says that she can't have a romantic relationship with me, as she does not want to hurt her mother's feelings or to break her trust. I really respect her views but I'm helpless as I really love her. Let me tell you that still we are very good friends. Guru, I cannot even tell my parents about her for I am not settled in life yet. I am very confused. What should I do?

Future Doctor In Love

Dear Future Doctor In Love,

I can very well understand your feelings but instead of only thinking about her, why don't you concentrate on your studies? Don't you know that becoming a doctor is not an easy job and one needs to study a lot? You are studying medicine and for that you need to work hard. You should not worry about her. She is not going anywhere. She is your friend and I think she also likes you, but is afraid of making a commitment at this point. She seems like a sensible girl who knows her limits. You just relax and wait for the right time. I am sure you'll be able to get her consent eventually. And if you are really serious about her then I see no harm in telling your parents about her. At least your mother can talk to her mother and a sort of understanding can be created between your families. Since you are her family friend I don't think your proposal will be rejected. You can get married with her once you are settled in life. Good luck!

Once bitten twice shy

Salam Guru,

I am 23-year-old. I am graduate and doing a good government job. I like to share a problem with you. About two years ago I fell in love with my cousin. My parents were against it but, I did not listen to them. Finally I got married with her. In the beginning everything was going smooth but soon problems cropped up in our married life. Her parents turned nasty against me and my parents. I couldn't bear the insult of my parents and eventually my marriage ended on a bitter note.

Now, I have decided to remain unmarried for the rest of my life. I feel sorry for my cousin, but am happy that my parents are happy. Guru, now I don't think I will fall in love again. I am so confused.

Safdar

Dear Safdar,

You are only 23 and you are already a divorcee. It shows that you made the decision of marriage when you were only 21 which is quite an immature age for boys to get married. I think you were very emotional at that time. You should have listened to your parents at that time. But then, once you were married you should have fulfilled the commitment. In both the situations you proved to be a weak person who couldn't keep balance between his wife and parents. Anyway, whatever is done cannot be undone.

Now, after one bitter experience you should be more careful about your future. You cannot remain single for the rest of your life. You are still very young and am sure you will fall in love again. Right now, you are going through an emotional phase. Once that phase will be over you will be able to see things in a rational manner. Give yourself a break of few years and get married again which is a normal way of life. But please, be sensible next time. Good luck. 

He is friendly with other girls

Hi Guru,

I am a 20-year-old girl. I am in love with A, who is doing his BBA. We really love each other and want to get married in future. A is a very friendly and caring person and he has many friends in his institute, including girls. My problem is that I don't like him to be friendly with girls. Well, he is sincere with me and takes cares of me, but when I see him sharing jokes with other girls, my blood pressure goes up. Yes, I feel very jealous that why he is being so friendly with other girls. When I complain he says that they are all just friends. Many a time we have ended up fighting on this issue. I am so possessive about him and I just cannot stand his friendship with other girls. Please tell me what should I do?

Depressed Girl

Dear Depressed Girl,

The problem lies with you, my dear. Yes, you are spoiling a healthy relationship by being so possessive. A has a friendly nature and is studying in a co-ed so it's quite natural that he has female friends. You should not feel jealous about it as you know that he is only sincere with you. Don't make your own life miserable by fighting over this issue. You are not even engaged to him so be careful as sometimes guys just get fed up with nagging girlfriends. So watch out! Good luck!

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