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Looking for someone

Dear Guru,

I have three problems: the first one is that my parents don't allow me to keep a cell phone, as they think I will start talking to boys if I have a cell phone. My second problem is that I want a boyfriend. How should I get one? My third problem is that I am a very shy person and I don't like it when other people take my pictures. I feel very awkward. My sister's wedding is coming up and the mere thought of people taking my pictures on her wedding is giving me jitters. Please find a solution to all three of my problems. I desperately need help.

Shy Girl

Dear Shy Girl,

Your first problem is related to your second problem. Your parents are right; if they allow you to keep cell phone, you'll start talking to boys. Your intentions are very clear; you want a special person in your life and cell phone will give you an easy access to find a guy for yourself. Do you think your parents are fools? No, they are not. They know what's right for their young daughter. You are immature and don't know about the harsh realities of life. So, be content with what you have. Your third problem is not even a problem. If you don't like your photographs to be taken then tell the photographer prior to your sister's wedding not to take your pictures. However, it will be better if you can overcome this fear, for your family members will definitely want you to be in the wedding photos. Just act normal and let the photographer do his job. Good luck!  

She is so stubborn

Hi Guru,

I am a 22-year-old guy facing a very odd situation. My problem is related to my love S. She happens to be my neighbour and for the last three years I have been in a relationship with her. I love her a lot and she loves me, too. I am currently employed in a bank and because of my professional responsibilities I cannot give enough time to her. I have been trying to explain to her that I have to keep a balance between my personal and professional life, but she endlessly complains and often brings up the idea of getting engaged or even marriage.

My family is financially dependent on me, as I am the sole earner and I keep telling her that I need time to get into a stable position to support her and my own family, but she seems to be in a hurry. Please tell me how I should handle the situation. I don't want to lose her and I don't want to stop supporting my family either.

F. R

Dear F. R,

It's really good of you to support your family, but you should think of your life and happiness, too. Getting engaged won't make you selfish; you can always support your family even after that. You need to understand her position, too. Normally, in our society, guys can marry at any age, but girls are married off at a relatively younger age. May be S is being pressurised by her family to get married and since she loves you she wants to marry you. You can't really blame her as she has been waiting for you for the last three years. If you don't want to lose her then getting engaged seems like a good idea. You can always marry her when you are financially stable. Good luck!

I lack confidence

Salaam Guru,

I am a 19-year-old girl and I'm in my third year of BA. My problem is that I am not confident at all. I cannot speak freely and openly in my class or at any function or even among my friends. I cannot hold conversations, as I don't have any confidence. I am educated but I can't speak English fluently. I forget all my sentences when talking to anyone. Please tell me what to do.

T.G Bangash

Dear T. G Bangash,

Your lack of confidence stems from your low self esteem. If you think you are inferior to others then you always find it difficult to speak in front of people. First you need to keep this thing in mind that you are not inferior to anyone. This will make it easier for you to communicate. It's not obligatory to speak English. Try to talk to people in a language you are comfortable with and then slowly and gradually start conversing in English. Read newspapers so you can contribute your opinion about the topic being discussed by the people you are with. Knowledge about the subject you wish to discuss always gives confidence. Take gradual steps and don't pressurise yourself. When facing someone, take a deep breath and don't get impressed, just deal with that person on one-on-one basis. Soon, you'll feel that you are at ease while talking to people. Good luck!

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