Every Baqra Eid we go through the motions of getting our clothes made and getting the perfect animal. Come Eid day our lives are in a frenzy as we go about offering our sacrifices to God and being thankful for being given the great opportunity to do so. There's so much to do and so little time. And of course, we all love Eid because it's the time where we don't just come together as a family, but also get to eat some of the most amazing food ever. I know most of you can relate to what I'm talking about; who doesn't have those barbeques and the one dish parties all centred around scrumptious meat dishes?

But what I've noticed is that although this Eid in particular is supposed to be all about the animals, we never really stop to think what the animals think or what they want. It's all about what we get and how we cut it and how we cook it… Ever wonder what that sheep in your garden is thinking when it looks at you? Just for fun I thought I'd become the mouthpiece of some of the animals you find around your neighbourhood around Eid time and give you all the little titbits of what they might be thinking…

The prettiest gaye around

Don't get jealous because you're not a cow. I can't blame you for being jealous of little Miss Daisy i.e. me. I mean, look at me, my shiny brown hide, my magnificent figure… I am perfection personified! Yes, I'm pretty and there are lots of admirers here and I just feel absolutely grand, you know. I'm just a country gal who has made it big in the city if you know what I mean. I always knew that I had a particular charm but I could never place my finger on it when I was back in my village. It was in the city that people realised my true beauty… I mean I knew I was good looking but I never knew I would be such a hit with the humans. Back at home it was just me and the grass and then me again and then of course the grass. There were other cows, too, but they never understood me or my aspirations. But this place is different… Yes, this place is nice! Oh, I just love it here! So many people come to see me everyday! My owner shows me off to his friends all the time. You see because I was so amazing he paid over six lakhs to get me, oh, he just couldn't live without me! Everyone knows I'm the best! People even bring around their own cows to see who is better, but of course, I win every time. The children love me too. Just the other day this adorable little two year old tried to feed me some grass because he thought I was awesome (I do wish someone would have helped him because I was really hungry from all the catwalks they took me on earlier in the day). People adore me! They give me yummy chickpeas and hay to eat and they bring me bells…I am loved!

Right down the fundamental line

It is my honour and my pride to be a part of this year's Eid. I am from one of the few royal families of bakras that are still left in the world. One look at my beard and you'll know that I was meant for this cause. You see I come from a long line of very prestigious bakras. It is a family tradition that the best of our men come forward and take part in this extraordinary event each year. It is the coming of age for some of us, while many of us never return home again and find lives in the city. Of course, come to think of it, I don't remember anyone actually coming back from one of these glorious missions, but oh well... As I was saying only the best people can afford me as you see I am very expensive because did I mention that I was one of the best? It's just these pesky kids I don't understand. I have come forward for a duty to the great Lord… I just don't understand why there are so many little human children here. I was told I was going for journey of spiritual enlightenment for which I would of course lay down my life (not that it will come to that), but everywhere I look there are more kids. Not one, not two, but a million it seems! Do they not realise that I am here for something important? I have work to do but they have me stranded here with these kids trying to ride me and feed me hay after every five minutes. I need to keep my physique in check and they are trying to make me fat! I ask that camel how he feels about all this, but all he does is smirk and tell me I'm in for a treat. But I don't want another treat; I'm tired of being overfed. No matter! I will be patient and I will wait for a sign from the heavens so that I may proceed with my journey… One morning I shall be on my way to greatness!

High and low

Well, all my life they told me I was too tall to do any real work, but I was good for playing with kids and giving them rides. I'm a camel, what else am I supposed to do? And now I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I left my herd and I'm angry and lonely and I think I'm turning into an emo camel. I miss my mom and the only person I have to talk to is that pretentious moulvi bakra who doesn't realise that the sacrifice up ahead means he will DIE! I don't mind death. My other option is that cow who thinks she's Marilyn Monroe and I'd rather just kill myself now than listen to her banter on about how beautiful she is… Why doesn't she get it? I'm into other camels not cows! I guess my only problem is that these are my last days and these humans are just so boring. I was an entertainer and I did a good job; do you have any idea the number of rides I gave? My pretty accessories made me more fun! But look at them, these humans! They think comparing other camels to me is fun! How about doing something that I might enjoy for a change, people! I mean I know some of you are sitting there complaining about my uninterested look, but you do nothing interesting! Supper is the only time I want to know what you have to say otherwise it all sounds like gibberish anyway. And no! I will not give any of you rides anymore! You don't deserve them. Hmph!

I was once number one