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Confidential

Dear Desperate Lahori,

Different parents have different ways of bringing up their kids. For some, dealing with their offspring in a friendly manner means helping them in becoming good human beings while others believe that the only way of controlling their brood is the corporal punishment. They think that children only learn discipline if they are dealt with strictness. These parents tend to forget that their harsh actions actually inculcate feelings of hatred and defiance in a child's mind. He may turn into a rebellious person rather than a moderate human being. By any social and moral standards corporal punishment is not acceptable in any civilized society.

Whatever your parents are doing to you is ethically wrong and they should refrain from beating you up. You need to muster courage and talk to your teacher and tell her about your parents' cruel attitude towards you. There are many NGOs in Lahore and Islamabad which work for children's rights. Contact one of these organisations. One such organisation is Aangan-Rozan. You can contact them through their e-mail address which is aangan@mail.comsat.net.pk or you can call them on (051) 2215368. Guru requests all the parents who are reading this to be kind with their kids. Children are very sensitive by nature and they need to be handled with love and care and not by physical abuse and punishment.

I feel like a stranger

Hi Guru,

I am a 14-year-old girl. We used to live in Canada, but three years back my parents decided to move to Pakistan, but I haven't been able to settle down yet. My parents brought me here because they wanted me to know about my culture. Now I know everything about Pakistan, especially the schools, but I really miss Canada. We moved to Islamabad a year ago and it was fun there but now we are in Lahore and I don't like it at all. I'm sure you know about the litter, beggars, etc. I tried standing up to my parents and telling them but they refused to listen. Can you please help me and tell me what to do?

Depressed Girl

Dear Depressed Girl,

It's really difficult to move from one place to another and get settled. I can understand how tough it must be for you to adjust to new surroundings but you need to realise that this is your home now. The sooner you accept the reality, the better it is for you. You must have good memories of Canada but then you cannot live in the past; your present is Pakistan where you have to live with your parents. They know what's best for you. Their decision to move to Pakistan must be due to sensible and logical reasons. Try to understand your parents. They are your well-wishers. If you keep on harbouring negative thoughts about Pakistan, you'll never be able to adjust here, but if you keep your mind open and try to look at the positive points of living here you'll feel better and life will become easier for you. Good luck!  

Sandwiched between wife and mother

Dear Guru,

I have been reading your column since I was a school student. I got married in November 2007 and it is an arranged marriage. My wife is my cousin and I love her a lot. I can't live without her and I have never felt this way for anyone during my whole life. My problem is that I have my mother and single sister at home and my wife doesn't behave well with them. I have asked her many times to respect my mother, but she doesn't listen to me. I don't know whether she is arrogant or stupid. She also wears clothes which are not considered suitable in my family. My mother never complains against her because she loves me a lot since I am the eldest among my siblings. I want to change my wife's behaviour but if someone says anything to her she gets offended and begins to hate that person. What should I do?

S.E.

Dear S.E,

It's good to know that you love your wife. Actually the problem lies with you. You cannot strike a balance between your wife and your mother. You need to understand that your wife has a life too and she has her own lifestyle and likes and dislikes. Maybe she needs her own space. You seem to be under pressure because of your family, otherwise you two seem quite happy with each other.

Try to understand your wife's point of view. Persuade her gently to be nice with your mother. There is no point in being strict with her. On the other hand request your mother to bear with you while you are trying to change your wife's attitude. Ask her to forgive your wife if she misbehaves with her. She is your cousin which means that your mother must be her aunt. Be wise and leave the two on their own and stay out of their confrontations. Don't take too much tension, everything will settle down with the passage of time. Good luck!

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