Graffiti
Donation, please!

Traffic was backed up for miles and the policemen were going from car to car. When they got to Sam's car he asked the officer what was going on. The officer said, "It's Al Gore. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going from car to car collecting donations." "Donations!" Sam said, "How much have you got so far?"

He said, "About 10 gallons."

Kids will be kids

Environmental Studies essay on the effects of oil pollution of an eleven-year-old says:

'When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.'

Twelve-year-old in French class being asked the difference between Madame and Mademoiselle: `Monsieur'.

"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?" asked the father of his little son.

"Diet"

Ten-year-old's response to a question, 'When dead, what do you want to be remembered for?

'Ever!'

Twelve-year-old's essay on 'What would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?'

'I would drive a police car.'

A seven-year-old going to his first carol service demanded indignantly when the collection plate came round, 'You mean we have to pay for this?!'

New kitchen terminologies

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of the only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalisation offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.