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Graffiti
Q & As!
Q. Which bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow!
Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q. What does a teddy bear put in his house?
A. Fur-niture!
Q. What do you call a girl who is always with the bookies?
A. Betty!
Q. Where did the computer go to dance?
A. To a disc-o.
Q. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
A. Russel.
Q. What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A. A bed.
Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
Q. Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
A. Because his friend said, "It's on me."
Q. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A. Never mind, it's over your head!
Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A. Because he had no-body to go with.
Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!
Pilot philosophies
-The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck
can fly.
-Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
-It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.
-Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very
expensive flying club.
-It's better to break ground and head into the wind than
to break wind and head into the ground.
-The difference between flight attendants and jet engines
is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
-A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction
traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
-If something hasn't broken in your helicopter --it's
about to.
-Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his
6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here, son. This is
where the food is."
Clever signs
-Pizza shop slogan
Seven days without pizza makes one weak.
-On a septic tank truck sign
We're #1 in the #2 business.
-On a plumber's truck
We repair what your husband fixed.
-At a towing company
We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.
-At an optometrist's office
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to
the right place.
-On a taxidermist's window
We really know our stuff.
-At a car dealership
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car
payment.
-Outside a muffler shop
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
-In a veterinarian's waiting room
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
-At the electric company
We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.
-In a restaurant window
Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed
up.
-In the front yard of a funeral home
Drive carefully. We'll wait.
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