Dear DD,

I appreciate you for contacting Aangan and sharing your experience of child sexual abuse with us. Disclosing and writing about such an incident is not easy and requires a lot of courage. I am glad that you have taken this step.

DD, you are not the only one who has kept the experience of sexual abuse a secret from everyone. Unfortunately, sexual abuse is something that many children experience and most of them do not disclose it to anyone; often not even to the people closest to them, and some carry this secret with them into adulthood because of shame, fear and confusion associated with it.

Going through what you did must have been a painful experience for you, as it is for all the children who experience it. I would encourage you to tell me more when you are ready, about what it was like for you, what its nature was, how it made you feel, how you responded to it, why you decided to write to us and whether the abuse is now over. Talking about it and taking out all the confusion and other feelings that are commonly experienced by abused children (such as shame, anger, guilt, sadness, etc) is an important first step in healing and recovering. As you have said in your letter, you did not understand what was happening at that time – this is understandable, as you were only a child and children are not physically or emotionally ready to understand the concept of sex. So, it helps to talk about, clarify and better understand your own feelings at the time and about the abuse. But, of course, it must be done at your own pace and when you are comfortable.

Your first question is about telling your parents about the abuse. You need to think about this and decide whether this will be helpful to you or not. There are many reasons why a victim (when the abuse is ongoing) or survivor (when the abuse occurred in the past) might find it helpful to tell someone older and reliable (such as a parent, a relative, teacher, etc). When an abuser (an adult or older child) abuses a younger child, silence and secrecy are two of his greatest weapons because he knows that the child will be too scared, embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone, and this encourages the abuser. So from this point of view, disclosing the abuse to someone is the greatest defense against abuse. Disclosure means the child can get the immediate reassurance s/he needs and it can protect him/her from further abuse. When you are no longer a child and the abuse is over, you may want to disclose the abuse to your family for other reasons, such as emotional support and greater understanding between you and them, which can help you heal and recover from the abuse. Everyone's situation is different, and so you need to look at your own situation and see what you think is best for you. Unless the abuse is ongoing or there is a risk of further abuse, you can take some time and think about it. Perhaps it would help to think about why you wish to disclose the abuse and what your reasons are about disclosing it to your family.

Your second concern was about the effects of abuse. This would depend on the nature and frequency of the abuse and I will be better able to respond to your questions once I know more about what happened. There can be a range of effects related to abuse, but they are different for everyone, depending on the type of abuse, its duration, frequency, the situation, the level of support one has received, etc. Physically, infections, pain, itching, bruising/cuts (all in the genital areas) can occur as a result of abuse. Psychologically, fear, shame, guilt, depression, anger, anxiety, relationship problems, low self-esteem, difficulty trusting people, etc have all been associated with sexual abuse, but of course, different people react differently. Again, I would like to ask you to think about yourself and see if you can identify how the abuse has affected you – some effects and reactions may occur immediately (e.g., infections, fear, confusion) while others may develop over time (e.g., depression, low self-esteem, etc.). Your Leucorrhoea could have been caused by the abuse, but there could also be other causes too. You need to see a gynecologist for this and get the medical help you need.

Many children who experience sexual abuse feel they were somehow to blame – because they didn't tell anyone or because they allowed the abuse to happen or because they enjoyed the attention and physical touch, etc. These are all natural reactions – no matter what, child sexual abuse is never the fault of the child; it is always the fault of the abuser.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Aangan Psychologist

If you want to break the Silence around the issue of child sexual abuse you can play a vital role by joining Aangan's Long Distance Volunteer Program (LDVP). For details contact Aangan at the provided information or visit website: www.rozan.org