Graffiti

Why Pakistanis are easy to identify!

You are always standing next to the two largest suitcases at the Airport.

Everything you eat is savoured in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

You arrive one or two hours late to a party — and think it’s normal.

Your children’s names rhyme with each other; for example: Shameem, Naeem, Nazia, Shazia etc.

All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

You take snacks anywhere it says ‘No Food Allowed’.

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.

You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it’s the remote control, VCR or a new couch.

You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many number of bowls as possible.

You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes.

You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

You don’t use measuring cups when cooking.

Your conversation is laced with constant references to God even while talking about the most mundane and insignificant matters.

You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

—Contributed by Hira Jalal

Performance appraisal

-        Good communication skills - Spends lots of time on phone

-          Exceptionally well qualified - Made no major blunders yet

-        Work is first priority - Too ugly to get a date

-          Independent worker - Nobody knows what s/he does

-        Quick thinking - Offers plausible excuses

-        Careful thinker - Won’t make a decision

-          Aggressive - Obnoxious

-        Uses logic on difficult jobs - Gets someone else to do it

-          Expresses themselves well - Speaks English

-        Has leadership qualities - Is tall or has a loud voice

-        Career minded - Back stabber

-        Loyal - Can’t get a job anywhere else

ONE question!

The interviewer said, ‘I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!’

The boy thought for a while and said, ‘My choice is one really difficult question.’ ‘Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. What comes first, day or night?’

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depended on his answer, but he thought for a while and said, ‘It’s the day sir!’

‘How?’ the interviewer asked.

‘Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a second difficult question!’

That boy was selected for admission!