Care to Share

It's hard to run a house with single income due to the rise in expenses. Women tend to share the burden with their husbands to improve their living standards. Is there any harm in it?

  By Lubna Jerar Naqvi

"Iam not an ambitious woman, I rather stay at home with my children," says Sakina, an extremely successful professional. "I started work to share the financial burden of my husband, so that we could give our three children the best of everything. Over the years I realised that my husband had shifted the major part of the financial burden onto my shoulders, while he enjoyed the luxury of having next to no responsibilities. But I couldn't sacrifice my children's future so I persevered at my job. I felt I had to prove to my colleagues, my husband and to myself that I could handle a career so I worked hard to excel in it.  This, however, didn't absolve me of my duties at home and to my children, unlike my husband who comes home and either lounges about or hangs out with his friends."

The majority of working mothers can probably relate to Sakina's story. In today's world, many women have stepped out of the house not because they had a vision to make a career but mainly because they wanted to share, and the operative word here is share, the finances with their husbands so that both of them could provide a better life for their children. Many men appreciate this sacrifice that their wives are making by stepping out of the comfort of their homes, leaving their maternal duties for the time they spend at work and then coming back home to take care of the family even though they have also toiled at work all day. But still there is that ilk of men who don't mind the extra money allowing them to back off and enjoy life as they did when they were bachelors and leave no opportunity to make their wives' feel bad about leaving the house and children untended. These men are mostly educated 'liberal' people and on the surface have no problem in giving their women folk space. The world sees them as excellent husbands who are supportive and loving, when in fact they envy or face some sort of complex that doesn't allow them to support or appreciate the efforts that their wives are making to contribute to the family income.

Zahra after working 12 hours a day is always tired and irritable. Her job is extremely demanding but the money is good so she doesn't want to quit her job. After a hard day at work, she comes home and attends to her children - check their schoolwork, help them with their homework, listen to their problems - and then she diverts her attention to other things of her house - groceries, servant issues, dinner and other chores around the house. Her husband neither helps nor supports her in anyway. Instead he makes fun of her job, and praises women who stay 'within doors' to look after their children and shoulder their responsibilities.

Out of frustration, when she once mentioned that he was the one who ignored his responsibilities which was why she had gone out to work, he became nasty which agonised her life further. But Zahra bravely faced all this because she knew she had to be the main bread earner of her family, since her husband hardly contributed to the household any more. When questioned about his expenses he would give such long confusing statements that no one pursued them.

Women, who opt for careers at the cost of leaving their family, are merely trying to improve their living standards or maybe because the husband's earnings are not enough to support the family. She is the one who has to face the wrath of her relatives, in-laws as well as her own family and who see her as a lesser mother and wife. When in actual, she is a complete woman handling and managing things both at work and her house.

Another similar case is Rahilla, who is a teacher and has been working for most of her life. Before marriage she supported her parents, and after that she continued working to support her husband. Her day starts off early by ironing the clothes to be worn by her family during the day. Then she cooks lunch, prepares breakfast and tiffins for her children and husband, and arranges things for her in-laws before she leaves. On her way back home from school she buys groceries etc. When she comes home she feeds her family and clears the stuff, after which she has to wash the dirty laundry. After that she takes tuitions at home, teaching her children at the same time. During this she prepares dinner, while giving her in-laws their evening tea. By that time her husband arrives and complains about the workload, the traffic and life in general. He forgets about her day which, according to him, is apparently easier than his since she was home after few hours of work. She is the last one to hit the sack before rising at the crack of dawn. But, that doesn't make her complain about her routine.

Working wives and mothers hardly reveal that they are tired because they are the pivots of the family and everyone looks at them for support and reassurance. But what the family forgets is that they are human too and need time to unwind and relax or at least have some time for themselves. 

Unfortunately, if women manage to take time for themselves, they are considered self-centred by their family. To avoid such situations, many women never take time off for themselves. They rather take their children with them on their 'escapades' - which is either to the parlour, shopping or to a friend's house - making their lives revolve around their children. Apparently, men are unable to look after their children when the mother is away and the children seem to run amok when she is not around.

Nasira has been married for four years and has not yet planned to have children mainly because she and her husband decided to save money before they have children. She works for a media company and keeps long hours. Apart from that she has to attend a lot of events and parties. Her husband is very supportive and understands her job, but her in-laws don't. To compensate for this, she makes extra efforts to make their life comfortable. Nasira supervises everything from cooking to cleaning but all she gets in return is complaints and tempers. They think she is a wannabe socialite who is not interested in her house and likes to party out with friends. This hurts her even more as she strives to make them happy, but nothing seems to work. The only reason she is able to survive the tantrums is because of her husband's support, otherwise she would have succumbed to the pressure.

Thus a working woman's life is not a smooth sail. This in no way means that housewives live an easier life but a woman out in the field has many roles and responsibilities to tackle while keeping herself intact. She is multi-tasking at her best; the only drawback for her is that those for whom she struggles don't back her as much as she deserves, which is sad since she devotes her whole life to her loved ones.

I am always there for you!

All their lives parents live for their children and expect the same love and care in return. The real test of whether you did a good job as a parent is reflected in the mirror of your child's life. What do you see?

  By Momina R Wahla

Parenthood is the most exciting time of life, when pleasure overcomes all the other emotions. A woman, when becomes a mother, forgets her own life and all her decisions, acts and conducts revolve around her children.

There are mothers who are constantly living with the guilt of leaving their kids for a career. The good thing is that most of these mothers make the effort of spending quality time with their offspring once they are home. On the other hand, there are mothers who give up work or put their careers on hold to stay at home with their children in a bid to be enlisted as 'a good parent'.

If I talk about myself, I put my career on hold to take care of my daughter who is now two and a half years old. It's not the most munificent sacrifice anyone could have ever made but I just wonder, do the parents get the same attention and care from their children when they become old? Is it wrong to have expectations from them to remember all that their parents gave up and how they strived in their lives so that their children could go to the best schools and have the best possible life? I often wonder why I am really doing all this for my daughter. Is it selfless love?

After giving it a lot of thought, I found my answer. I wasn't doing it for her. It was for me all along. Does it really affect her at all that I stay up all night if she gets the sniffles? It's not like I am making her feel any better by doing so. She didn't ask me to. It's not her fault that I cannot leave her overnight to spend sometime with myself. I need to see her happy and content. I get the satisfaction when she gets the best of everything. My selflessness actually comes from my own selfishness.

It's not just me but the dream of every mother to provide best of everything to her child. But what does the child really need? There are so many elements that play a vital role in the development of your child. Every child deserves to be respected. Their needs are no lesser than ours and their dreams are equally important too. We, as adults, have learnt to deal with our fears. We know that for every problem there is a solution but our children don't realise that. They do not know for a fact that monsters don't live under the bed. What seems frivolous to us may appear huge to them. How many of us actually take the time out to treat their problems like problems and assist them in finding a solution? If parents do not take them seriously and respect their views, they will never expect anyone else to do so. Hence, the result may be lack of confidence.

The most important element of consideration is respect. Families that respect each other are havens for a growing child. Trust is the other pivotal element which should be there from both sides. If you make a promise to your child, live up to it. This will assist them in living up to their promises all their life. Refraining from lies is very important too. We preach our children not to lie but tend to ignore the petty lies we tell, like answering the phone and saying we are on our way out when all we are doing is relaxing at home. They may not even seem important but it sure makes a child prone to accept lies.

The respect and trust of parents make the child strong enough to confront life's injustices. That's the power of parent's love, instilling confidence and self reliance. Recently, I came across a woman who, perhaps mistakenly, accused her daughter of stealing her diamond earrings. On the account that only her daughter had access to the safe in which they were kept. The young girl was innocent, yet the accusation shattered her completely. Parents spend years bringing up their children and instilling morals and values in them. Just a little act or a single word can crush down the life long struggle of raising an upright child.

Mothers usually stop talking to their children if they commit any mistake. Does this act make them really understand that they need to change their attitude? Not at all! This furthers isolates the child. There are parents who actually talk to their children and try to get the real reason behind their heinous behaviour. There may be some underlying factors which need serious attention and are ignored if not discussed. The fact is when you think the child deserves your love the least, is actually when he needs it the most. It makes us realise that a child requires love to put his life on track. The children become more responsible when they know someone cares enough for them to be proud or perturbed by their actions.

Being a parent is forever. It's not just to feed our children, change their diapers and potty train them. I, being a mother, still rely upon my mother for every little conduct of life. No matter how tough life gets, my mother's lap still calms me down and my father's hug still washes away all my fears and insecurities. That is the essence of being a parent. You never get a day off and you never take a break. You go through all the highs and lows with your child and together you come out unscathed.

Let's not forget that we are humans after all with our shortcomings and follies. The real test of whether you did a good job as a parent is reflected in the mirror of your child's life. What do you see?

Embracing Summer

Don't run for shelter as soon as you feel the heat of the sun touching your skin. Skin care in summer can be simple, natural and basic. Find out how to make your skin radiant, healthy and beautiful with simple tips from beauty experts. Happy sunny days!

  By Gul Nasreen

S ummer is here with all its glory. It's that time of the year when you try out new, cool clothes and play with all the funky accessories adding to the excitement of this season. Don't let the heat interfere with your routine, go outdoors and have fun. Yes, you can still enjoy the season by only following a few precautionary tips.

If you have 'oily' skin, you get sunburns easily or you are prone to easy black heads, fear not, You! has some easy steps so that you can maintain the glow of your skin throughout summer. By following these steps you can breeze through the summer heat

Cleanse your skin twice a day using a mild and natural cleanser suitable for your skin type. Add a few drops of rose water, spearmint or orange in your cleanser to boost its cleaning effect and aromatic quality. It's important to cleanse your skin before going to bed because your body excretes toxins through the skin as you sleep especially if facial pores are clogged with make-up and dirt. Your skin needs to breathe while you sleep and you can facilitate this through regular cleansing.

Avoid using soap bar for controlling excess of oil on the skin; instead get a good cleanser as an alternative. A soap bar is alkaline based, which will absorb all the water and natural oils out of the skin, causing the surface of the skin to dehydrate.

Skin cells need to stay moist in order to be healthy; without water the skin will produce more oil to compensate for the lack of water, which is the last thing you would want in the summer heat. Using soap can also cause more breakouts on the skin as the dehydrated cells build up a layer of dry skin cells, which can trap oil and clog the pores.

If you normally use moisturiser every day, your skin will benefit from a lighter, oil-free formulation in the summer. Most oil-free moisturisers contain silicone or glycerine-based ingredients that provide moisture without clogging the pores.

Make-up is another point of concern in summer. Due to excessive heat and perspiration, make-up never seems to last. Try to keep it minimum especially during the day. Avoid oil-based foundations, as they make your skin more greasy. Use face powder sparingly; just the amount necessary to remove the grease off your face. If your skin is oily, dab powder on your face as it helps remove the excess oil off your face.

The application of sunscreen is a necessity before applying make-up during summer, as it protects the skin from sun damage. Just make sure you pick a good brand that at least has a SPF of 15. Most moisturisers contain SPF content. If your moisturiser doesn't have this, then use a good sunscreen before applying moisturiser.

We tend to ignore our feet the most. This is wrong, feet are also an important part of our body, and need more attention mainly because they are exposed most of the time. Feet need fresh air to breathe and remain unsullied. First wash them well, then towel dry them and apply talcum powder. At this time of the year, slippers and open sandals are best, as they allow perspiration to evaporate. However, open footwear attracts dirt too. So, to protect your feet from the grime and dust, add some salt in cold water and soak your feet in it.

Lips are vulnerable to the heat, humidity and dry weather too. In summer, lips, like the rest of the face, are exposed to the sun's harmful ultraviolet rays. A rich emollient lip balm is all you need to restore and protect their lustre. Summer is a good time for those creamy lipsticks. Prefer the glossy light ones that are perfect for the nude look. While selecting the shades of lipstick, opt from the range of light pink and mauve, which look cool. Still, sticking to lip-glosses during the day would be a real good choice

Amongst all this beauty talk focused on external prettiness, Ghazala emphasises on inner beauty. Make sure you drink plenty of water. It keeps your skin hydrated and moisturised. Go light on your diet. Replace spicy and oily food with lots of fruits and salads. It will not only make you look fresh but you will even feel better. Exercise will help oxygenate your cells with fresh air and facilitate waste removal through skin. And last but not least get proper sleep. Insufficient sleep makes your skin sallow, dull, tired and eyes puffed-up.

Homemade stuff like masks, facials, packs and cleansers work in gentle and natural ways to soothe, tone and clear the skin. Everyone's skin is a combination of oily and dry elements. Oily skin usually has a shiny surface with visible pores and is prone to breakouts. Ghazala also suggests some simple home-made solutions for skin care in summers:

Masks for all skin type

-   Blend two egg yolks, two tablespoons of honey and three drops of almond oil. Apply and let it dry. Wash it after 20 minutes with cool water.

-  Grind half cup of yellow mustard seeds in two litres of water. Grind and add few rose petals in the mixture. Apply it on the skin and let it dry. Rinse well.

Masks for oily skin

-  Wash and cut two fresh apples but do not peel. Liquefy the whole thing into a blender. Apply it on the face and let it dry. Splash it off with cool  water.

-   Wash a big, ripe tomato and liquefy the whole thing in the blender. Put it on the face and let it dry for 20 minutes. Clean it off with cool water.

Freckle Wash

If you want to cover your freckles, here's a tonic for you:

-  Combine 1/4 cup of buttermilk with 1/4 teaspoon of pomegranate juice. It makes a mild skin bleach. If your skin is dry apply some moisturiser before using the mixture. Apply it with a cotton ball and leave it for 15 - 20 minutes. Rinse it well and apply a moisturiser.

Resistant to change

Parents are the first ones to notice unusual behaviours in their child. This week You! takes a look at what is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or simply autism...

Typically, parents become concerned when they notice that their toddler does not begin to talk or does not respond and interact like other children of the same age. They are the first ones to notice unusual behaviours in their child. In some cases, the baby is different from birth, unresponsive to people or focuses intently on one item for long periods of time. These are some of the signs of autism. But what do we know about autism? What should parents know about the assessment and treatment for this disorder? You! takes a look at what is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or simply autism...

What is autism?

Autism is a brain disorder that often interferes with a person's ability to communicate with and relate to others. Signs of autism almost always develop before a child is three years old, although the condition is sometimes not diagnosed until later. Toddlers with autism do not usually develop speech normally and may seem to be deaf although hearing tests are normal.

Autism also affects how a child perceives and processes sensory information. The severity of autism varies. Some individuals need assistance in almost all aspects of their daily lives, while others are able to function at a very high level and can even attend school in a regular classroom. While this is a lifelong condition that typically results in some degree of social isolation, treatment can make a major difference in the lives of people with autism. Early diagnosis and comprehensive treatment has resulted in increasing number of people with autism being able to live independently as adults.

The first signs of autism/ASD can also appear in children who seem to have been developing normally. When an engaging, babbling toddler suddenly becomes silent, withdrawn, self-abusive, or indifferent to social overtures, something is wrong. Research has shown that parents are usually correct about noticing developmental problems, although they may not realise the specific nature or degree of the problem.

What are the symptoms of autism?

All people with autism have difficulty with social interactions and relationships. Parents often describe their child with autism as preferring to play alone and making little eye contact with other people. Other symptoms of autism include: difficulties with verbal and nonverbal communication. Language development in children with autism is almost always delayed.

Many typical behaviours - such as repetitive body rocking, unusual attachments to objects and holding fast to routines and rituals - are driven by the need for sameness and resistance to change. People with autism can have many different combinations of behaviours in mild to severe forms.

What parents should know about assessments?

Because there is no single test to diagnose autism, a parent or pediatrician who suspects that a child might have autism or a pervasive developmental disorder should seek further evaluation from a qualified professional (e.g., psychologist, neurologist, and psychiatrist) familiar with this group of disorders. A diagnosis should be based on observations of the child's social and related abilities (with peers, siblings and/or parents), play and communication skills and reports of behaviours in various contexts.

 Because autism is considered a spectrum disorder, children can exhibit any combination of symptoms and behaviours in any degree of severity. Many children with autism do often make eye contact, show affection, smile, laugh and demonstrate a variety of other emotions in varying degrees. They may also be capable of responding to their environment in both positive and negative ways. When there is a question of developmental problem with a child, one of the common and potentially serious mistakes made is waiting to see if the difficulties resolve on their own, or even the dismissal of possibility of autism because not all of the symptoms and behaviours are exhibited.

 Because early intervention is helpful, one has to be careful not to fall into the 'wait and see' mentality. Many parents express concerns early on about their child's ability to communicate and respond and these concerns need to be heard. A diagnosis should not be based on the absence or presence of one behaviour but should be based by looking and observing a pattern of behaviours. Parents should remember that children with autism are capable of learning and functioning productively with appropriate education and treatment.

How is it treated?

Behavioural training, speech and occupational therapy, and parent education and support can often improve a child's problem behaviours, communication skills, and socialisation. Medications are sometimes helpful as well. A child with autism responds best to a highly structured, specialised educational program tailored to his or her individual needs. However, specific treatment varies depending on the range of individual symptoms, which can combine in many different ways and change over time. The appearance of any of the warning signs of ASD is reason to have a child evaluated by a professional specialising in these disorders.

The pervasive developmental disorders, or autism spectrum disorders, range from a severe form, called autistic disorder, to a milder form, Asperger syndrome.

- Compiled by Maria Shirazi

 
Letters

Hi Nadine,

I am writing to you out of desperation. I am a married woman and have a kid. Some months ago, I started working due to our financial problems. It's a good job and the people are nice. But my husband started creating problems for me. He is not happy. At present, we live with my parents at their home. I want to have my own home, but he cannot understand my point of view. Since last month, I started ignoring him. When I see his face I get tensed; I cannot bear his touch and I am tensed all the time. He is not trying to understand my mental condition. What should I do?

Maryam

Dear Maryam,                      

It seems that you are depressed because of your uncertain financial position right now. My dear, ups and downs are a part of life, and circumstances tend to change for better or worse. You are upset because like any normal, average girl you want financial stability and a home that is yours.

Married life and responsibility go hand in hand. You need to understand that your tomorrow will be a lot better if you sit down with your husband and plan your strategy to combat your circumstances. If he is not earning an adequate amount to sustain his family, make him understand gently, without hurting his pride that you need to work for your kid's future. If, at present, you cannot afford a place of your own, start saving till you can realise your dream. But to do all that you would need your husband's support. You seem to despise him for not earning enough, hence you feel repelled by his touch. That is not the right attitude if he is doing his bit. However, you have not written anything about his job or the reason for living with your parents. I can only ask you to behave sensibly, and use your grey matter. Don't be emotional, as it wouldn't get you anywhere. Best of luck!

Dear  Nadine,

I am a married workingwoman, and have three kids. I live in a joint family setup and my parents-in-law are very dominating people. Nadine, I conceived a bit late and needless to say that my mother-in-law gave me a very hard time. After three miserable years, she started pressuring my husband to marry her widowed niece with a son, because that was a proof that she wasn't barren. It was about that time that my God took pity on me and I finally conceived. I was blessed with a daughter and it was a day of great joy for my husband and me.

I thought that my trial was over, but soon after the birth of my daughter my mother-in-law started saying that she wanted a grandson to carry the family's name. I became very upset and started praying for a son, but even the second time I got a daughter. Although my husband didn't seem quite happy, my mother-in-law was furious. She told me that if I didn't produce her heir, she would make my husband marry that wretched niece of hers. After two years I became pregnant again and got a son. My mother-in-law finally had what she wanted and stopped harassing me. She had never paid much attention to my daughters, but lavished all her affection on my son. As he grew older, she started pampering him more and more. All his demands were fulfilled by my parents-in-law. Whether it's pizza or burger or any other expensive fast food, he is denied nothing. As a result, he has become very wilful, stubborn and arrogant. He is good in his studies and always acquires A grade in his examinations.

I was unable to do anything because in spoiling him even my husband participated. I was not allowed to punish him for rude behaviour or selfishness. My daughters, however, are totally opposite. They are compassionate and good-natured and because of them life has been bearable for me. The problem is that now my parents-in-law have become old and quite dependent on me. They expect my son to give them company, but he is very selfish and refuses to sit with them for more than five minutes. He talks very rudely with them and often answers us back. His attitude fills me with depression and my parents-in-law have finally conceded that they were wrong to spoil him. But their acceptance of their part in spoiling his life cannot undo the damage. He is 17 and very much out of control. How can I change him?

Desperate Mother

Dear Desperate Mother,

First of all, relax. You are, of course, worried and rightly so, but your problem is not insoluble. Your son is 17, which is a very difficult and delicate period for most adolescents. You need to tackle him with patience and love. It seems that you have given him too much of everything and he doesn't have any direction or motivation.

First of all, try to establish communication with him. Talk to him about things he likes and dislikes, his activities, studies or even movies and video games that he enjoys. You have to establish a rapport with him, so he can start considering you as a friend and ally. Encourage him to take up an internship somewhere. If that is not possible, suggest to him to do some voluntary social work. If he is interested in games, ask him to join a club to practice the sport he likes. All he needs is a sense of direction, and once he realises that there is more to life than pizzas and burgers, he would change. But don't expect to change him overnight, and curb your temper when you find him unreasonable or arrogant. Be gentle, loving and considerate. He is just a kid; your love, concern and care would do wonders for him. Since he is a good student, try to make him focus about his career. Don't worry, he would be fine because he has a mother who is so concerned about his wellbeing. Good luck!

You & Me
With
Adnan Shah a.k.a Tipu

Read on as You!   shares this week a bit from its own slam book with a twist - the one-liners are from Tipu, the actor with numerous shades...

Interviewed By
Fatima Zakir

Admit it girls, we all fancy our celebs. The glitz of their glamorous world attracts us - what they wear, where they shop, what they dream of, their love-interests, their favourite things - we love to get the scoop. Keeping this in mind, from time to time You! is going to share some interesting tete-a-tete with popular celebrities. This time around, we were lucky enough to get hold of Tipu, the actor who is known for his versatility. Starting off his career with a sitcom Seth and Company, he has displayed his talent by playing different and relatively difficult roles. From playing a homosexual to an abnormal hermit, he has done justice to everything. These days he is creating waves through his drama serial Vani and is soon to appear in Mehreen Jabbar's directorial movie, Ramchand Pakistani. Let's take a look at his likes and dislikes...  

My biggest asset: 

My mother

I wish I could:

Be a cricketer or a singer

One person I would love to dine out with:                                              

Alanis Morissette         

My worst nightmare:

My mother's death

One thing I hate about myself:

I am too friendly. It's good to be that sort but sometimes it can be problematic as well.

Something I would like to remember:

My sister's engagement. It was the time when I first understood the real meaning of responsibility.

My strength:

My belief in God and myself

My weakness:

I get attached to people very soon which often makes me possessive about them. I know it's irritating because I start behaving as if I own them.

I regret:

Not completing my masters in journalism. 

I feel over cloud nine when:

I play good cricket and people appreciate me.

The most embarrassing moment of my life:

I don't get embarrassed easily.

I get dejected:

When I am helpless.

Something that I am strongly possessive about:

My space

I get turned on by:

Good height and dark complexion.

When feeling low I prefer:

To exercise

The most unforgettable moment of my life was:

When I was drowning in water and a man saved my life. After that he said I will never go in deep water again and at that instant, I jumped back into the water. I can never forget the moment and the expression on the man's face.

What touches me the most?

When an act of kindness brings a smile on others face. A simple smile touches me deep inside.

If I could be another person I would like to be:

A soldier who fights in the first row.

What bores me the most?

When the conversation is about people i.e. gossips or backbiting.

My message:

Whatever you do, do it with passion.

Chatter Matter
Heads held high...

Old is really gold and our very own seasoned soprano Farida Khanum just proved it right recently during her first ever live performance in occupied Kashmir. Pakistan's queen of ghazal (sorry Tina and Nayyara, no offense meant!) literally stole the hearts of the rapt audience, which included bigwigs like Chief Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad, former CM Dr Farooq Abdullah and others who gave our grand dame a standing ovation. She was invited by the Indian government to perform in a three-day Sufi Festival, in Kashmir. Farida ji made us proud by delivering more than what was expected of her and the accolade she received is an honour and achievement for us. Great going!

Make it big Mishi!

Let's see what is the latest buzz about Mishi Khan. Even though she's back on the showbiz horizon and is known to be a terrific actress with a number of memorable roles and awards to her credit, Mishi hasn't really been able to make an impact ever since she returned from her highflying job with an airline. But now, the news revolves that she might have found the role she's been waiting for. She has bagged the main lead of a telly serial which is named, Rani.  It is all set to be produced and directed by Angeline Malik, who herself selected Mishi for the title role. We just have our fingers crossed but still we wish Mishi the greatest of luck.

LSA, on the roll...

The wait is over! Lux Style Awards has announced its nominations. Finally, all the eyes, which were glued for any buzz from the industry, can take a rest now. For the female models, we have Fayeza Ansari, Mehreen Syed, Neha Ahmed, Sunita Marshall and last year's winner Tooba Siddiqui. Ahan! Did it bring back old memories? Remember how Tooba was criticised for receiving the award when everyone thought Iman deserved it more. Anyways, we just hope to come out clean from every controversy so that LSA is able to wash off the mark of having a 'lobby' and distributing awards among their friends. Let's open up our minds and think beyond the jealousy line. Everyone will get his/her share...one day or the other.

Awarapan in Pak-land

So, another Bollywood film Awarapan produced jointly by Mukesh Bhatt and Suhail Khan has been given the permission of release in Pakistani cinema houses. This is the second Bollywood movie after Taj Mahal which is being released in our country- seems like the pro-Indian films lobby is getting stronger with time. The reason given for its release is that the producer of the film is a Pakistani- not to forget the songs which hails from our land too. Still, we are not keeping our hopes high as Meera's Bollywood venture Nazar didn't get the permission for release in Pakistan (Ok! we accept that there were 'other' factors for it too). We don't want to judge what's right or wrong but we just hope the differences between the two nations don't affect the entertainment industry. This movie will be the decision point for further Indian releases in the country. 

Food for Thought

Lubna Shariff

Photography By Zahid Rehman

Till now, mango dishes were a treat for sweet lovers. But now, You!   along with our cooking expert Mrs. Lubna Shariff has prepared 'Khatti daal' to water your mouth with a prickly taste. This typical Hyderabadi dish is prepared with kairi and the baghar over the daal will perk up the taste. Happy cooking!

Khatti Daal

Ingredients:

-  Arhar ki daal                1-1/2 cups

-  Chopped tomatoes                2

-  Curry leaves                 few

-  Crushed ginger                   1

-  Crushed garlic   1

-  Red chilli powder   2 teaspoon

-  Turmeric powder   1/4 teaspoon                                                       

-  Coriander seed powder   1 teaspoon

-  Kairi    3-4

-  Salt      to taste

-  Green chillies and coriander leaves     for garnish

For Baghar:

-  Cumin seeds                1 teaspoon

-  Red chillies                  4-5 dry

-  Garlic cloves                  5-6

-  Curry leaves                   few

-  Ghee or oil           6 tablespoons

METHOD:

-  Wash the lentils and boil them in 5-6 cups of water with tomatoes, curry leaves, ginger and garlic.

-  When boiled, separate the lentils.

-  Now, heat the boiled lentils with salt, turmeric powder, chilli powder and coriander powder.

-  Add kairi (cut into 4 pieces) and cook on slow fire.

-  Then in a separate pan heat oil, add cumin seeds, red chillies, garlic cloves, curry leaves and give baghar over the daal.

-  Serve it with plain boiled rice and enjoy.

Ethnic Elegance!
Every house is designed on a particular theme.
This week You features a small home decorated on modern yet simple lines with an ethnic touch to it...

By Tazeen Hussain
Photography by
Zahid Rehman

Comfortable living is not just about big houses and expensive furniture but it's the aesthetic sense with which you convert a small house into a comfy and cosy place. That's exactly what Rubina and Jamal Mustafa have done. When they started out in life, all their furniture was borrowed. Jamal then moved to Philippines and asked Rubina to pack up everything and follow him to the new place. "One of our relatives even mocked me to return everybody's stuff and join Jamal in Philippines," says Rubina. But that was years ago.

Rubina and Jamal's home is based on simple lines with minimal decor focusing on the pieces acquired from their sojourn in Philippines. The furnishings, though diverse in material, have been placed carefully in the entire house.

Rubina's twins who are in their teens don't create problems but referring to her eight-year-old son she says, "I don't know how people keep immaculately clean houses with small children. This is one reason why the furniture surfaces are clean and devoid of too much detail."

The entrance of the house leads to a foyer, which is decorated with small plants - giving a lively and fresh feel. Then comes the drawing room which is simple yet boasts of exquisite pieces of furniture. A beautiful piece with mother of pearl inlay from Mindanao occupies the centre space. The accessories are small handicrafts from Philippines that give an ethnic feel to the room.

The off white sofas are brightened up with glittering maroon cushions. The centre table is large and has a story attached to it. "This was an old antique wooden door that we got converted into a big centre table and two side tables," explains Rubina. The engraved surface and the colour of the table goes well with the other wooden pieces - keeping the antique artistic touch alive.

A lovely wooden bench sits in one corner, accompanied by a skilfully carved table. The table looks more like a treasure box with engravings on it and seems as if it is depicting a story. Some indoor plants are kept in to liven up the ambiance.

Her lounge is a huge space with big sliding doors, opening into the garden. It's the place where they spend most of their time. On one side of the room, TV lounge is adorned with lovely wickerwork sofas and beautiful cane wood chairs. The upholstery is all floral  - warming up the given space. The walls are beautified with attractive paintings brought from Philippines.

"I like to paint as well which helps me understand colours and ideas. This is why I am able to select the most appropriate paintings for my rooms. I even like to play the piano," she informs gesturing to the piano set up in a corner. With her interest in music and painting, she chose an extremely different profession of management consultancy. "Before marriage I took a lot of time for both of my interests but now my kids and my work take all my time. Still, I try to squeeze in my artistic work in my leisure time," says Rubina.

One thing she feels is missing from her house is a comfortable sofa in front of her TV to lie down and spend some quality time with her family. But she plans to have one soon.

A corner of the living room has a lovely green wrought iron and glass table with wickerwork chairs. The table has an eye-catching centre vase embellished with orange and yellow flowers. A matching green colour shelf is placed beside the table to enhance the beauty of the living area.

The kitchen is adjacent to the lounge and has a large wooden window, which gives the whole view of the living room. The whole place is decked up with wood except for the black glass dinner table. The black slab in the kitchen, is used as a passageway for food from kitchen to the lounge,   complements the dinner table.

The lightings play an important part in revamping the place too. The lamps are mostly white in colour, which brightens up the place.

The craved wooden furniture and traditional accessories in her house formally enriches the entire place. That's what we call beauty with elegance and style.