We have received word that those who purportedly rule this unfortunate city have, once again, decided to 'rename' roads in the city. The last time they renamed was a couple of years ago when Sunderdas Road came to be known after a judge I have never even heard of. Now, Sunderdas also was someone I never knew, but to us who grew up in Durand Road in the 1950s and 60s, this road was always Bansaan vali Sarak -- Bamboo Road. And that was because where the brick boundary wall of Aitchison College now runs; there ran an equally impervious thicket of tall bamboos. Every summer evening this virtual forest used to be ablaze with millions of fireflies.

The bamboos fell by the wayside of 'development'; and the fireflies to our wanton, mindless use of pesticides. A little bit of the history of Lahore that would never make it to the history books was destroyed. Some little remained which an unthinking and utterly petty politician destroyed by calling Sunderdas Road another name.

To be truthful, we have actually been at this silly renaming business since the mid-1960s. Does anyone remember Sarwar Road in the cantonment was once Elgin Road? I don't know if this Lord Elgin had anything to do with that Elgin who stole some big boy's marbles from was it Greece? But I know that Abid Majeed Road was once Sir Hugh Rose Road and that Mr Rose (co-author with two others) left us that priceless compilation titled 'Glossary of Tribes, Castes and Clans of Punjab and North-West Frontier Province'.

As the name suggests, it is a compendium of who or what we are. But it also tells us that many of the great names in this sorry country's politics are the progeny of two-bit cattle rustlers! So thank you, Mr Rose, we have duly forgotten you. And phooey to Elgin for we don't care about folks that pinch marbles. Jokes aside, the list goes on and most roads were named after British administrators, soldiers and others, because once upon a time we were indeed ruled by tiny Great Britain. As masters of this land they gave their own names to the roads they laid out.

This foolish craze to rename road began after the 1965 war when someone decided we needed a little bit more national pride or identity or some other mythical abstraction that we are still singularly deprived of. And so in a time when Lahore had already started to expand, brain dead politicians set to renaming the roads. Who is heaven's name is Sheikh Abdul Hameed bin Badees who has edged the fat, ugly Empress off the road that once ran straight from the Railway Station to what was then called Government House and where the good Governor Maqbool presently resides.

I call them brain dead because these so-called city fathers had somehow not received word of the expansion of Lahore and that there were oodles of new roads, chowks, by-lanes what have you dying to receive names. But it was too much to expect any good sense from rulers whose grey matter was well and truly larded over (I lxxxxxxxxiterally translate the Punjabi adage). And so they went ahead renaming roads that were all previously named. But they did nary a jot in favour of those hundreds of new and unnamed ones.

What had been McLeod Road or Davies Road for at least three generations of Lahoris, were suddenly unpronounceable names. People thus either clung to the old names or began to say inane things like, "The road that goes from Simla Hill to Garhi Shahu" -- instead of simply Durand Road. The generation born in the 1970s has grown up not knowing the names of any but the most famous roads of Lahore. And even here they call The Mall by this name instead of Shahrah-e-Quaid-e-Azam. Nor too do they call Davies Road Sir Suleman Agha Khan this that and the other third road.

So long have we lived without road names that we have in a way become used to the situation. But my European friends have problems. Thank heavens post-9/11 we don't have them visiting Lahore or they would again have been laughing at us who live in the city with roads that have no names. Some of them who had lived in Lahore in the past long enough had learned direction giving our way: The road that goes past the university has nine bridges, take the seventh to cross over to the right etc, etc. Oh, how much simpler it would have been if our roads had names!

The past thirty-five years of rapid expansion in Lahore and the slumbering administration that could not be bothered about assigning names to the new roads has given us another singular distinction. Since we are always so proud of being the first ever in the world to do this or that or have the biggest turd-filled river or the lousiest economy or some other not-to-be proud-of distinction, we have another winner: We are the only country in the world where any old body can go and name any street, chowk or whatever after themselves.

Who the hell is Akbar Chowk named after? Well, you ignorant people, this man is a two-bit property dealer. And go down College Road (thank god one road accidentally got named) and you have the next chowk named after a low-life swindler you would not wish even to stand ten feet from and speak to. And there are chowks all the way named after the most obnoxious dregs of this society. We are the only country in the whole wide world where ordinary thugs name roads and crossings after themselves. I say, couldn't we have done just one little bloody bit better?

The so-called city fathers changed street names in order to expunge our colonial history so that we may grow up as a proud nation bursting with feeling of self and nationhood. Nothing of the sort happened. Instead we have come to admire crooks, double-dealers and con artists who ride around in fancy 4x4 vehicles, break all the country's laws, and never stop at red lights. And we admire offensive discourtesy for we equate that with courage. We are not even civilised people. Patriotism is a far, far cry.

Another generation down the road, we will be worshipping the likes of this property dealer or that con artist who has put up a sign to name a chowk or a road after himself. That will be our history. Nations admire women and men who accomplish great deeds; we look up to and commemorate the dregs of our society. Shame on us! If the administration wants to rename a chowk after a mullah who was recently killed in Peshawar they ought to start with Akbar Chowk. At least this man had courage enough to condemn suicide bombings.

In fact, given that we have so few heroes (including all those Muslim invaders of the past thirteen hundred years); we should revert to pre-renaming names. Then the few names that we had earlier squandered on already named roads could be assigned to the virtually thousands of streets and chowks in all these post-partition residential areas of Lahore. I wouldn't give a hoot who Sheikh Abdul Hameed bin Badees was if the chowk near my home be called after him. It will be darn sight better than it being named after a local hood and murderer.

Don't you just hate it when people try to display a lot of 'efficiency' while not delivering much? "Bus ji kaam ho jai ga, aap kisi cheese ki fikar na karain" and "haan ji mein bus abhi aa raha hoon" are the oft repeated phrases that one comes across in daily dealings. These matter-of-fact delays and slip-ups happen even when prior agreements have been made and timelines set. Whether that be in an informal setting as that of engaging the services of a handyman or even in an upscale professional environment of private firms. One usually finds oneself left holding on to the short end of the stick.

The problem is that the professional ethic is just not ingrained in our society at any level or capacity. There are no proper institutions for imparting technical skills and no official standards for ensuring working methodologies. When in dire need, one has to turn to traditional automechanics and electricians to have a go at fixing your prized possessions. In such circumstances, the customer far from being always right is actually supposed to keep their mouths shut if they want to have any work done. And still one is rendered to twiddling their thumbs and with fingers crossed, prepares to face the results.

Volunteering information is avoided like plague, as by doing this the other person will be compromising their own face-saving measure. Every organisation's strength lies in its various components working in unison to accomplish a certain project. It is only through effective delegation of tasks and the assignees delivering in a certain logical fashion. So, in my book, and as is the understood notion in various parts of the world, it just doesn't count if you are taking care of the job, but only after a certain time-bracket has expired. For instance, if you have appointed a time to meet with somebody and they turn up late without informing that they are even coming or not, the blame just cannot be ascribed to you that they did turn up and were not accommodated.

Gulla Karana is another practice that is quite popular among the happy-go-lucky folks. "Haan yaar bus kaam par gaya tha", is a typical excuse given by people of similar standing to each other. However, when you end up being the sorry victim of a professional gulla, the consequences are graver than simple disappointment. These days, a person doesn't even have to not show-up in order to gulla-fy you, they can do it electronically. I mean for crying out loud, one's job and relations with the senior management are on the line.

In many cases, the unsuspecting ones amongst us end up being the liaison person from within the firm for an external contact person. You have taken care of your end of the task, the deadline is right around the corner, and you are nervously pacing back and forth in your office constantly looking at the computer screen for that familiar 'you have mail' balloon to pop up. You attempt to get the person on the cell but all you get is their answering service. And then just like that, the time is up and you have been left stranded in high water.

You curse and cuss away, wishing that you could turn into a deadly computer virus and corrupt the absconder's computer system. After you faced the wrath of the corporate bigwigs, along comes the blasted email containing the lamest of all excuses. System crashed! Yes indeed.

•Cricket -- Power Test Match Series

Pakistan vs South Africa tomorrow, October 8 at 10am at Alhamra, Gaddafi Stadium.

• Seminar on Islamic Economic Revolution

of the Century:

Today, at 3:30 PM, at Alhamra Arts Council - The Mall. Prominent guest speakers on the occasion include Dr Khawaja Amjad Saeed (Principal, Hailey College, PU), Dr Rafeeq Ahmad (Chairman NAZRIA-E-PAKISTAN), and AMIR MAHMOOD (Nazim Lahore). Iftari and dinner will also be served!

• A concert

of unheard melodies at Government College University Lahore every Saturday at 1:30pm.

• Puppet Show for Children

at Alhamra, The Mall at 11am. Ticket for Rs. 5/10

• Puppet Shows for everyone

at Peerus Caf'e every Sunday at 3pm.

On September 24, the northeastern turret of Jahangir's Quadrangle at the Lahore Fort collapsed, apparently because of rain. The very next day, an unending blame game started between the Punjab Archaeology Department and the Federal Archaeology Department with both adamant to hold the other responsible for the incident.

Punjab Archaeology Department's stance was that the damage was done by the federal government. The reason it gave was that the conservation and maintenance of Lahore Fort was the responsibility of the federal government till 2004 when it was passed on to the provincial government. The inquiry report also showed that iron and substandard material had been used for the repair and restoration of this turret in 1974.

Following an inquiry into the incident, Shahbaz Khan, Director General Punjab Archaeology Department told media that it appeared that rainwater had reached the iron, causing it to rust. He also said that the turret had been inspected after the October 8, 2005 earthquake but no cracks were found in the structure at that time.

According to archeological experts, the repair of such monuments should be carried out under standard guidelines and the same building material should be used as was used initially. The use of iron in this case was a gross violation of rules, so the violators be dealt with severely, they demand. The roof of Dewan-e-Aam at the Lahore Fort had also collapsed in 1980 but at that time the archaeologists could not find the cause of the collapse.

The September 24 incident calls for the need to find as to how many heritage sites in and around the city are in danger and need immediate repair. Besides, what needs to be ensured is that whether the standard procedures are followed while preserving these sites or the people at work there are free to make decisions according to their own free will?

An official at the Federal Archeological department tells TNS on conditions of anonymity that the Lahore Fort and the Shalimar Gardens are threatened at the hands of the political elite of the province. These two sites were under the control of the Federal Archeology Department for decades and were handed over to Punjab's provincial administration despite resistance from the former in 2004, he says. "We always discouraged use of these sites for public events, gatherings and private events whereas the provincial government wanted to rent them out to every other party that could pay heavily."

He says the Punjab government is constantly allowing functions here despite knowing that such structures are bound to suffer when people start hammering nails into their walls and floors. The official is of the view that the Punjab Archeology Department lacks the required manpower and expertise to take care of these monuments -- a major reason for the decay of heritage sites.

Dr Ajaz Anwar, conservationist and painter, tells TNS that the turret that fell was part of the most beautiful structure at the Lahore Fort. It was a prototype built in Shah Jahan's era and had been derived from Jehangir's Tomb. He says it's a pity that the government officials and politicians have attended several banquets and dinners here but none of them has ever bothered to climb the roof and inspect the physical condition of the structure.

He suggests that all the repairs at heritage sites be made with the help of the originally used material. Experimentation is something that should not be resorted to at all. He says the vehicular traffic moving around Jehangir's Tomb shall be diverted instantly and all encroachments from the buffer zone be removed on priority basis. The vibration caused by the movement of this traffic and smoke particles emitted in due course are extremely detrimental to these structures, he adds.

Dr Ajaz says the situation at Shalimar Gardens in Lahore is also not much different. In the absence of vigilant officials, people have constructed houses at yards' distance from the boundary wall of the garden. This is something prohibited totally under The Antiquities Act 1975 and the Punjab Special Premises (Preservation) Ordinance 1985.

Talib Hussain, Deputy Director Punjab Archeology Department tells TNS that they are pursuing an aggressive plan to restore and renovate different archaeological sites in Lahore. He says the Punjab government has sanctioned Rs 300 million each for the restoration of Lahore Fort and Shalimar Gardens. From this amount, Rs 40 million will be spent this year. "Under the plan buffer zones will be built around both the monuments to secure them from the onslaught of traffic, pollution and encroachments."

Talib says the repair work at heritage sites in Punjab is being done with original material like Kasuri choona, jangli kankar, lime and bricks. He tells TNS that there is budget allocation for acquisition of 106 houses or parts of them built next to the boundary wall of the Shalimar Garden. Talib says that Unesco has asked the government to declare the area within 50 feet of this wall buffer zone and remove all the encroachments from there.

Another major threat to Shalimar Gardens is from the sewerage water that flows towards this garden. The streets and roads around the garden have risen by a good six weeks making it a low-lying place in the area, he says. The Punjab Archeology Department is also working on a plan to fix this problem, he adds.

For generations, Lahorites have been shopping from open markets, small shops and from roadside vendors. Thousands of people in Lahore are associated with this business. But the trend is now beginning to change. Most of the customers now probably prefer to go to big markets to shop even goods of daily use like vegetables or other grocery items. To exploit the situation some world-known superstore has also started its operations in Lahore. These supermarkets are, from one perspective, changing shopping habits of customers, providing them maximum goods under one roof while on the other hand, some think they are damaging the economy of thousands of small retailers and vendors.

For many customers these supermarkets are really best place to visit for shopping. "You find almost everything under one roof and that also on reasonable rates," says Amjad Hussain, a resident of walled city and a regular visitor of Makro, superstore at Ravi Road, Lahore. He gives many reasons for coming to this place to shop. "The staff is very customer friendly, the store is really big and you can bring family with you. You will face no problems regarding parking of your vehicle, you can carry shopped goods through shopping trolleys direct to your vehicle and contrary to most other such Pakistani stores there are even washrooms for customers," he tells TNS. Other shopping-stores, even retailers now need to provide such facilities to customer if they want to remain in competition with such big shopping stores, he says.

It may be right that customers are getting good shopping opportunities with the opening of such stores but small retailers and shopkeepers are really suffering because of them. Muhammad Ali, who runs a bakery and grocery shop in Kasurpura Lahore, is one of them. His business has suffered badly because a big store has opened in his area. He opens his shop at six in the morning and closes at around 10 at night. He himself goes to Akbari Mandi and Shah Alam Market to shop the goods for his shop and tries to pick best of the best in available resources. His business was running very successfully until start of this year when a chain of a big superstore opened some 500 yards away from his shop. "In the first six month after the opening of that big-store, my sale dropped at least 50 percent but in the last three months it once again started increasing, still it is much low than the original," he tells TNS. Muhammad Ali tells TNS that being a small shopkeeper he cannot compete with such a huge store "I may have to close my shop on some point in future because I cannot offer such variety of goods to my customers in my limited space and resources". According to him, many of the vendors and small shops are facing a similar situation in the city.

Muhammad Ali says it is true that these big stores are offering good facilities and better shopping atmosphere but at the same time they charge high prices of goods "Most of the goods they offer are imported while we offer Pakistani products," he says.

Marek Minkiewicz, managing director, Makro, cash and carry, Pakistan, dispels fears of small retailers and shopkeepers while talking to TNS. "Our main customers are small retailers and not families. We never encourage families to come and shop from our store and that is why we offer our goods at cheaper rates to small retailers than individual customers". He says it is right that Makro provides customers best goods in better packaging but it is not right that we offer higher prices. "We compare our prices with open market prices every week and you will be surprised to know that more than 60 per cent of goods we offer are at lesser prices," he tells TNS. According to him, they do not believe in earning more margins. "We believe in selling more and more volumes and also make sure that customers get accurate weight". He says that Makro earns 8 to 10 per cent margin on most of the food items while on some non-food items the margin may go up to 15 per cent. "Ninety per cent of food items we have in our store are bought from local markets and at the same time. We are also training or telling our suppliers the modern techniques of storage and packaging," he says. "It is right that we are a foreigner company but 30 per cent of our shares are with a Pakistani partner and five out of 900 employees of Makro at present are foreigners." He says Makro is also involved in investing some part of its profits on social causes. "We also have set up two schools in earthquake hit areas of Pakistan," he says.

1. Be austere

2. Buy fruits after eight at night

3. Locate a tailor in market's basement

4. Befriend China

5. Shop at Landa Bazaar

6. Ichhra zindabad

7. Say no to fast food

8. Buy cloth in cut pieces

9. No Eidi

10. Leave your credit cards home

To enlist by popular vote the 'top ten' for next week, send in your emails on

'Next week's question: Top ten 'ways to stay patient in traffic jam'.